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Survivor story
Taking My Love Life Back - survivor
Original story
Message to a Survivor
My message of hope is to speak out. Also, realize it’s normal to blame yourself and to think you still love who ever hurt you. Do not feel shame and if you can’t forgive the person yet, do not feel bad. Pray about it and don’t let your perpetrator steal your happiness. Smile and move forward.
Message of Healing
Healing means forgiving your perpetrator. It means realizing they are a victim of their own flaws. It means moving forward and not allowing them to steal your happiness. It means living your life to the fullest and not being afraid to share your story. I’m now studying sociology so that I can be a social worker and help other adolescents who go through any type of sexual abuse heal. I want to give someone else the courage I wish I’d had sooner. And the wisdom that something is not right. I’ve countless nightmares of this person committing sexual violence on me and sexual violence was happening through social media on a daily basis. Emotional wounds need just as much healing as physical ones. Though again, I forgive him and love the opportunity I have to move forward and take my life back.
Hi my name is survivor I was sexually assaulted the moment I stepped into class Sophomore Year. Then there were years and years of sexual grooming, stalking, harassment, extortion, soliciting for prostitution and more. False relationship promises, I love You’s, threats to ruin my relationship with guys who treated me better. Unwanted offers to pay me for sex. Got videos and pictures of me then would harass me with them in my Instagram inbox and Snapchat. Private albums where all I became was a sexual possession and not even a human being. Forced to watch him play with himself with no human affection or words. Nothing. Just mockery and humiliation. I finally walked away. It ended the day I got the police involved. I now live with Stockholm Syndrome. Not because of physical captivity, because of emotional captivity. I still feel vulnerable even this very moment. I confided trust In him and believed he was my friend, my lover. I blamed myself when I could not please him sexually. I was targeted at the age of 14 and it did not end until I reported at almost 21 years old. It finally ended when he wanted to create pornography of me to share to the world. I was done believing he loved me. I was done believing he was a friend. I was done pitying his broken heart. His fake one. I miss him but I don’t miss the dark part or him that haunted my love life. My emotions were compromised and I felt I needed him. He did not need me or anything want me. I wanted sexual gratification and he does not get it from sex. He gets it from control and victimization. Not love or affection or even lust... only control.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.