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Survivor story
Silently shouting into the abyss
Original story
Message to a Survivor
Healing to me means forgiving myself for all the things that I may have gotten wrong in the moment. Finding gentleness and realizing that I am not damaged despite feeling overwhelmed by seemingly mundane moments in my day-to-day life. Treating myself with kindness when setbacks occur. Loving the woman I am becoming, despite carrying this with me. I am still me. I am.
I got sexually assaulted by a massage therapist. Damn it feels so good to say that out loud (or at least type to whoever is listening in the interweb universe). I felt like it was my fault. Was I flirting with him? Did I lead him on in some way? Should I take it as a compliment? Ew. Disgusting that I am so conditioned to feel that way. I completely froze when it was happening. I felt detached from my body, floating overhead looking down at myself, praying for it to be over. Hell I even tipped him afterwards. Why did I do that... it’s hard to say. I guess I was shocked. Terrified. Maybe I panicked and just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. But what does that mean for the other women he will come in contact with? Will reporting it to his manager be enough to stop this from happening to someone else? Did she even take what I said seriously? And what does this mean for me? How can I navigate the world knowing that things like this happen everyday. I’m discouraged. I’m angry. I’m sad. And I feel like I didn’t do enough. But what else could I have done? What case could I win with virtually no evidence?
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.