My COCSA story.

I have been holding this in my whole life, but when I recently realized what had happened me as a child I searched up COCSA survivor stories. That's how I found this website. I feel the need to share my story somewhere as I have nobody to tell. It all started in first grade. There was this boy in my class. I had never liked him much, he was kinda loud and weird. One day I remember him going up to me as class was ending. The others in our class had left the classroom and I was packing up my stuff. I felt someone grab me from behind. The guy had grabbed my hips with both of his hands. He started rubbing his privates on my behind. It took me about half a minute to get him off as he was stronger than me. I told people but nobody cared. They told me he probably had a crush on me, that it was his way of showing affection. Nobody cared. This led me to think that him doing that towards me was okay. That it didn't matter, we were just children and he didn't know any better. I also started believing that was how people showed affection. That thought stuck with me for a while. A girl in my class had around that time apparently gotten the same mindset. Me and her were already good friends, so when we would hang out she would make me do things such as getting naked and riding stuffed animals. "I've seen this somewhere, let's try!" I didn't like it, but I thought it was okay. That was just the way she showed affection, right? There was nothing wrong with wanting to play a game with your friend, right? This continued on for years. I never felt I actually wanted to, but people had taught me it was okay. I now, as a 14 year old, have severe childhood trauma that has ruined my life. I never wanted to hang out with other people as a kid because I was scared it was gonna happen there too, which has caused me horrible social anxiety. It got me a porn addiction at a young age, making me hypersexual at 12. The worst part is I can't blame anyone. They were all just kids. Children who didn't know any better. I am terrified for that girls safety, and I'm not sure I even wanna know where she learnt all that. I just hope people will teach their kids. Teach them whats right and whats wrong. I don't care if the other person was older, the same age or younger. A family member, a friend or a complete stranger. Nobody should ever have to go through this. I just want my childhood back.