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Survivor story
Multiple Abuse, Healing
Original story
Message to a Survivor
Healing is the pocket of light. Keep healing and your light continues to shine brighter.
Message of Healing
Healing means not being afraid of men and seeing them as people with true emotions. I hope to truly see the good ones and not wait for them to disappoint me, whether it be a teacher, coworker, friend, sibling, or son in law- I’d like to SEE them and not be AFRAID of them.
I was SA’d in elementary school for the duration of 5th grade. When I told my mom, she made me confront my abuser to hear both sides to the story which left me feeling unheard and unloved. In my 20s I married someone who was violent and had to endure DV throughout my marriage with two small children. I was able to leave after years of not having the courage or feeling like I wasn’t good enough. I still have a lot of shame over that time. I left when I saw my oldest cry and I knew they deserved better. After watching ‘It Ends With Us’ I messaged my ex-husband and told him that after 20+years after our divorce I am still affected by his abuse and hope he stopped hurting women after me. I remarried someone who I thought was perfect only to find he had been SA my children for some time in our marriage. Fortunately, he did receive some time for what he did, not enough for what he caused but I know the justice system fails all types of abuse cases. We were one of the lucky ones to have been heard. The road to healing is long and may never end, but I am grateful to be alive to have the opportunity to continue to try.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.