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Original story
I didn't remember mom's sexual abuse of me until I was in my 50s and she was declining in the nursing home. I learned in therapy that this is not uncommon. The memories become less of a problem as you talk with them with your therapist.
It means taking your abuser off of your hook, place them on God's hook in order to be free to move on with your life now.
I best tell my story in this poem. Mammas don’t raise up your sons to be substitute spouses Just ‘cause your marriage is messed up, you’re single or divorced. Mammas, don’t raise up, your sons, to be substitute spouses. Calling mommy’s little man, oh the man of the house. In the name of love, trapping him like a mouse. Lacking, the ability to relate with an adult spouse. Mammas, don’t raise up, your sons to be substitute spouses. Manipulating them, by a bunch, of hocus pocus. So bringing happiness, to mamma becomes their exclusive focus. Making ‘em feel, like they really are, the man of the house. Mammas, don’t tell your sons, that forever, they're your little man Particularly when you marry again. For will he think, that he is still, the man of the house. Actually, mamma, he’s your captive, young mouse. Mammas, don’t raise up your sons, to be substitute spouses. Stay just mommy instead of the monster of the house. And dam it, get an adult if you need a new spouse. Mammas don’t raise up your sons up to be substitute spouses At the expense, of their innocence, Dear Christ does not make one dam bit of sense. Excuses mammas make, but not a good defence. Being sexualized, for the rest of his freaking existence. Is a burdensome, painful dam life long sentence. Mammas don’t raise up your sons to be substitute spouses. Walking in their rooms in sheer nighties with no bra on. Knowing dam well, their sons are getting a hard-on. Reaching under the covers to help them relax. While they massage you both front and back. Mammas don’t teach whole courses in sex ed. By inviting ‘em to sleep with you in your bed. wearing no more than panties when you lay down your head. Knowing new ideas will fly in their pubescent heads. Unless you want them to go on some trips. from between your warm breasts, to between your hot hips. Mammas, don’t raise up your sons, up to be substitute spouses Doing all, to make mommy’s little man Really believe, he is mommy’s man. Wow, that means, he's the real man of the house. Oh God, don’t enslave him like a dam play toy. owned by mamma, as her young playboy. Mammas, don’t raise up your sons, with sexualized identities. making a normal marriage, for many, an impossibility. Mamma don’t raise up your sons with confused identities. Just ‘cause with him being born a boy, you were not pleased. Having ‘em dress up in sexy lingerie using farm cotton to give ‘em hips and breasts. Completely making him look like a girl for others to see, very sexually dressed. Making a confused identity worse by calling their parts girl parts. Makes him wonder what life would be like if he really had girl parts, All that dam sex might turn them against women completely. For sure it may give them a very confused sexual identity. Mammas, they might never marry because of you no doubt. Something you will never hear your neighbors talk about. Mammas don’t raise up your sons, to meet your twisted needs. For such sick mammas should be swinging high from the trees Such child-abusing, adulterating, whores, Are not wanted, on the earth, living, anymore. Get down humbly before God Almighty, mamas on your knees. For it’s only by grace, You’ll survive face to face, Unless of course, God sends such mammas to the other place.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.