It’s never too late to report and seek help

In August of 2017 my life changed forever. I went out with some friends to a club we had been to several times. A couple guys showed up uninvited that we knew. One of the guys had been trying to get with me for awhile, even though I had a boyfriend at the time. Once he showed up, and after accepting a drink from him, I started to feel funny and blacked out. Next thing I knew he was holding my hand and walking me somewhere. The next thing I remember is him on top of me, peeling my sticky bra off (it hurt like a bitch) and he said to me “don’t worry this won’t hurt that bad.” He then pull my pants off and raped me. I was numb and couldn’t speak or move. All I remember is leaning my head back in pain and blacking out again. Fast forward to 2019 when I finally sought out counseling. I did intense EMDR trauma therapy where I had a break down and break through. I decided to finally come forward and be honest with myself about what happened. I had tried to block it out and forget about it but that caused more problems. I returned to the town he raped me in, filed a police report, and an investigation opened. The cop and detective both told me there was a strong chance nothing would come of it because I didn’t get a rape kit right after it happened and had no proof or witnesses. I already knew this and let them know I still wanted to go forward with everything. About a month ago the detective called and inform me he was closing my case because of lack of findings. He spoke with my rapist who confessed everything up to actually raping me. He told the detective his intent that night was to have Sex with me but “something inside him told him not to”...bullshit. But I’ve grown so much and learned even more about how strong I am and have began sharing my story with close friends. I also know I did everything in my control to stop him from doing the same to someone else. If anything, I know the detective calling him shook him to the core and he knows I know what happened. And, if he truly knows me, he knows my friends know and that they’ll tell their friends and so on. Karma is a bitch. I know being raped doesn’t define who I am. He may have taken my virginity (oh yeah it was my first time, which makes it even worse), but he did not take my dignity, self worth, or anything else. I am now pursuing a counseling degree to help survivors like me through their trauma and grief.