I’m very ashamed, guilty, hurt and I am truly sorry!!!

I feel really ashamed for my past, it hurts knowing what I did, it hurts knowing I hurt others!!! From what I can remember it happened when I was 6 years of age, I can’t remember if anything happened before that, I think it did happen many years before but I just can’t remember! My uncle would molest me every chance and it was often, it happened all the way until I was 16! When I was 11 I finally told my cousin because she was going to make me lick her genitalia and I cried and told her I can’t do it, she said she was going to tell my dad the her and I were doing “nasty” things. Ever since I was molested my body felt weird, I don’t know how to explain it but I always felt uncomfortable, I told her the reason I felt that way and do the things that I did was because of my uncle. My cousin called my dad and told him about my uncle raping me, he told me to never let another man touch me again and we left it at that, he never did anything about it and he would still talk to him and see him. I would feel discomfort all of the time so I did something that I am very ashamed of, I would dry hump my cousins, it wasn’t forced because they would initiate it, I stopped it when I was 14. Before then I also had male cousins molest me, that doesn’t excuse my behavior but it played a big part. I quit seeing my cousins so I would dry hump my older brother, I did it a couple of times and stopped, i apologized and i feel guilty! When I was 11-13, I don’t remember the age but I would do dry hump my friends from my neighborhood. I remember when I was in middle school I was taking a test, a girl would reach and touch my private area from underneath the table, and we went to the bathroom and I dry humped her. I feel so ashamed, guilty typing this, I have thought I was better off dead because of this, I still do at times! I apologized to my cousins and siblings! I can’t apologize to my friends because I lost contact and I’m scared too! I’m 19 now and it haunts me! I dealt with physical abuse and emotional abuse and sexually abuse ever since I was young! I don’t know if I can recover from what I have done! I would never do anything like that now, I would never! I’m sorry to the readers, I’m sorry to everyone!