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Welcome to Our Wave.
This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies.
The content on this page may include descriptions of sensitive topics such as trauma, abuse, and violence and is intended for readers 18 and older. Please take care of yourself as you read.
Survivor story
I’m very ashamed, guilty, hurt and I am truly sorry!!!
Original story
Message to a Survivor
I’m sorry that you had to experience and go through something like that!
Message of Healing
I don’t know what it means to me, I just want to let everyone that I hurt that I’m truly sorry
I feel really ashamed for my past, it hurts knowing what I did, it hurts knowing I hurt others!!! From what I can remember it happened when I was 6 years of age, I can’t remember if anything happened before that, I think it did happen many years before but I just can’t remember! My uncle would molest me every chance and it was often, it happened all the way until I was 16! When I was 11 I finally told my cousin because she was going to make me lick her genitalia and I cried and told her I can’t do it, she said she was going to tell my dad the her and I were doing “nasty” things. Ever since I was molested my body felt weird, I don’t know how to explain it but I always felt uncomfortable, I told her the reason I felt that way and do the things that I did was because of my uncle. My cousin called my dad and told him about my uncle raping me, he told me to never let another man touch me again and we left it at that, he never did anything about it and he would still talk to him and see him. I would feel discomfort all of the time so I did something that I am very ashamed of, I would dry hump my cousins, it wasn’t forced because they would initiate it, I stopped it when I was 14. Before then I also had male cousins molest me, that doesn’t excuse my behavior but it played a big part. I quit seeing my cousins so I would dry hump my older brother, I did it a couple of times and stopped, i apologized and i feel guilty! When I was 11-13, I don’t remember the age but I would do dry hump my friends from my neighborhood. I remember when I was in middle school I was taking a test, a girl would reach and touch my private area from underneath the table, and we went to the bathroom and I dry humped her. I feel so ashamed, guilty typing this, I have thought I was better off dead because of this, I still do at times! I apologized to my cousins and siblings! I can’t apologize to my friends because I lost contact and I’m scared too! I’m 19 now and it haunts me! I dealt with physical abuse and emotional abuse and sexually abuse ever since I was young! I don’t know if I can recover from what I have done! I would never do anything like that now, I would never! I’m sorry to the readers, I’m sorry to everyone!
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.