I don’t want to see you ever again

I remember I was about 7(girl) she was about 6 years old, one year older. We were close friends, to be honest I saw her as my second friend I only had one other friend. My older sister, me, her older sister and her, were a friend group, we were neighbours so we hung out almost every single day, we had sleepovers that would sometimes last over 3 days. One time at a sleepover, my older sister and her older sister kicked us out of the room because they didn’t want to “babysit” us anymore. We were alone home because their mother was out somewhere. We first started to play normally, then we became quiet for a moment sitting in silence. She then said “Do you know what sex is?”, “No, what is it?” I said, she then stood up and said “Let me show you”, while giggling, we went to her mothers room, she said lay down on the floor, I did, I was wearing a dress with Elsa and Anna printed on it, she lifter up my dress and pulled down my underwear, she never went inside with anything, only ever touching and kissing me. But then she said to the same to me, and I didn’t have the courage to say no, so I did. Long story short, my sister and her sister caught us. My sister had a reaction that showed what I did was bad and said she recorded us, that is how I found out what I did was bad. My sister proceeded to threaten to show it to mom if I didn’t do what she told me to do for the next few years till I was 10. After they caught us the first time, I didn’t want to do it anymore, but the girl later pushed me to it three more times before they moved, I didn’t have contact later with them. My sister continued to threaten to say it to mom if I didn’t do as I was told, she used me as a servant for 3 more years, which made my situation worse. My sister was also a child, older, but still a child. Later I found out what porn was, I started to over sexualise myself, and I got a porn addiction, which I’m still working on. Those years were the worst years of my life the adults in my life didn’t help anything, they didn’t keep me safe. I’m still unsure if what happened was COCSA (child on child sexual assault), because I was older than her, because I didn’t refuse but I also didn’t agree. This whole thing confuses me. I don’t know where she learned that, but I just wish to never see her again. If that thing never happened, I feel like I would be a whole different person, a better or worse person? I don’t know. I wish I could have my childhood back, I want my innocence back.