🇺🇸
Survivor story

I broke a cycle at 14 -15 feel like an abuser

Original story

Message to a Survivor

If you are a cocsa survivor it not ur fault BREAK THAT CYCLE!!

Message of Healing

I don’t know im still processing everything

Growing up i was playing toys with my nephew 3 and little sister 6 and cousins 9-10 me 9 we all thought touching each other’s privates was okay and it was normalized we all did it i was playing house as a kid so were they me and my older cousin was molested by my brother and forced to do things we thought it was normal so we continued it for years i said something 5th grade and he said i was lying so year went by and me and my nephew and little sister i was 11 he was 6 My little sister was 8 I thought it was normal i had no experience in sex life or anything like that besides a guy trying to make me do stuff to him we were the same age. When i was 13 covid happened school was shut down and never learned about sex ed or anything like that also there was a 23 year old touching me and wrapping his body around me growing i never got the guidance or anything as a pre teen and so didnt any of my siblings or nephew so for a while i thouGht everything about the was normal so when i was 14-15 i was engaging with the inappropriate activities bc i thought it was normal and when i was in elementary my nephew had performed “oral” on me and I wasn’t a fan and I didn’t do it bc i didn’t want to and I didn’t even want him to lick my area he asked and that’s something that grossed me out now thinking of this but me and my little sister did a lot growing up like i gave her oral she never did for me i was a pre teen at the time and we was all exposed to porn growing up on tv and tablets so like wasnt great at home but we never had sex growing up despite are body parts wasn’t developed enough to even do that so we would hump eachother with and without clothes and now when i was 15 starting high school i stop contributing in the nasty stuff we were doing and I remember since we were all exposed to porn we used to use stuff like we are stuck or wrestling just nasty now i feel horrible like I committed a crime I stopped it i became very depressed and hyper sexual and alot of time people would say at 14-15 you know better and I genuinely am grossed out with myself because why didn’t i and now its been 5 years and i hate stuff like that and i get emotional asf now because i feel like I failed every kid who was in the house tht was involved including me i feel like it my fault and I deserve to die and i dont wanna kms bc I don’t want them to think thats the only way they can move on from it and you know i never did that stuff to hurt anyone i just did it i thought it was normal i got over it when i was 15 like i try not to think about it and not blame myself but it genuinely hard bc i was older I should’ve knew better and i talked to my siblings and nephew and they told me that we all thought it was normal and its not my fault and I shouldnt be so hard on myself bc parents should’ve said something and we all hugged each other and we all are close And I’m just scared I traumatized them because what happened or im and abuser or criminal I genuinely love them never meant any type of harm.

  • Report

  • Just Checking...

    Discard Message?

    You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it?

    Similar community content

    Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate

    Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate

    Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate

    0

    Members

    0

    Views

    0

    Reactions

    0

    Stories read

    For immediate help, visit {{resource}}

    Made with in Raleigh, NC

    |

    Read our Community Guidelines, Privacy Policy, and Terms

    Post a Message

    Share a message of support with the community.

    We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support.

    Please adhere to our Community Guidelines to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted.

    Ask a Question

    Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors.

    We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support.

    How can we help?

    Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly.

    Violence, hate, or exploitation

    Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion

    Bullying or unwanted contact

    Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages

    Scam, fraud, or impersonation

    Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else

    False information

    Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation

    Log in

    Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile.