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Survivor story
He called me linda
Original story
Message of Healing
I think healing for me is just not having to think so much about everything and not feeling so angry and hurt. Not wanting an apology so badly but being able to know that Its not my fault but his and truly know that. To not wonder or be scared to see him again or if he's not suffering like I am. Not feeling so worthless because I never meant anything to him and that someone could do something so harmful to me so easily without a care in the world or without any sympathy or care for the the pain they caused me.
I was 15 at the time and he was 18 and even though that wasn't illegal were I lived even though I was under the age of consent and there was nothing I could do after, it still feels so wrong. I thought it was fine at the time during the relationship, he was my first ever and I had no prior experiences before with anyone. He did, he had so much more experience than me and I think that's why he liked taking advantage of me. Pressuring me to do sexual things to him that I didn't want to do and told him I didn't want to but still did because I didn't feel like I had a voice. Any chance or option to say no because even if I did it wouldn't matter. No matter how I felt, I realize now never mattered to him at all. What I wanted was completely unimportant all that mattered was how he felt and if he wanted to have sex not me. I was nothing more than an object, I was just a doll to him.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.