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Survivor story

Childhood Sexual Trauma Story and Question

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Message of Healing

Healing means surrendering everything to God and allowing Jesus to come in and work every aspect of your life for your good and His glory. He is the only one who is able to completely and totally bring about redemption and healing. Jesus has changed my life in so many ways, and every day He continues to do so! Romans 10:9 (the Bible)

When I was about 10 years old, one of my friends (same age, also female) and I were sitting facing each other in a hammock. She placed her foot between my legs and started rubbing, and she was holding a four year old and we were in the same room as numerous adults. I didn't say anything but I wonder now if it was out of shock, confusion, fear, or maybe even enjoyment? Other times she would make me hump pillows with her, or even touch me inappropriately. The one time I was going to spend the night at her house was a little while after these initial experiences, and I vividly remember being so afraid to even go into her room that I burst into tears and ran back to my parents begging to go home. I can't remember how far we ever went, or how often anything occurred, and the memories that I have now were repressed for over 10 years. For a long time I convinced myself that I was making it up. However, around that same age when this sexual stuff started happening, I became afraid of being touched by anyone (even my parents) and the same friend would force me to hug her and she would hold me still and kiss my cheek. I've struggled with physical touch ever since, and also became addicted to pornography at a young age (I've worked past that now, thankfully). Wondering how this experience would be classified? It's been really bothering me ever since those memories started coming back, and I think I'm confused as to whether it was abuse or just sexual trauma in some way.

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