#489

Since I was two, my parents have been divorced. I would see my dad on the weekends, and that meant going to my great aunt’s house where my dad’s cousin and her children lived. My aunt’s (my dad’s cousin) husband died and left her with her three kids. I would spend time with all three of them, playing and having fun while I could for the weekend. But I was closest to my oldest cousin, who was a girl. She was- and still is- three years older than me. I would follow her everywhere and look up to her as a role model. I used to think she was so pretty. The years went on and it was when I was around second grade I believe when she would start experimenting with me. She would convince me to lay still on the top bunk while she would rub against me. I didn’t know how to feel at the time. Like I said, she was a sort of role model for me. So I would let it go on until she was satisfied. There was another time, when I was in first grade, and I lived with my mom, and we had moved in with her friend from middle school and her two girls. I would sleep in a separate bed in the older girl’s room. It was fun to have someone to play with, cause I was an only child. But I remember specifically one day, as we were texting on our 3ds, she would repeatedly ask me for “sex”. I refused a few times but eventually gave in and moved into her bed next to her. She would then make me put my mouth to her. I don’t remember if it happened multiple times, or just this once. I know now that both my cousin and the girl had taken advantage of me. And I know now that there is a term for what happened to me. Until recently it all felt like a wierd dream, and I hadn’t told anyone out of guilt and shame, because who would believe me? It sounds disgusting. But now I can work out my memories and make sense of what happened, and share my story with people to know they’re not alone. Because I thought I was for so long.