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Survivor story
3 experiences and an boring but good escape
Original story
Message to a Survivor
I believe you.
Message of Healing
Healing means realizing that im free. Healing is look at my partner and speaking my mind without fear. Healing is puppy snuggles where i dont have flashbacks. Healing is knowing i can still move forward.
I was 19 when 1 and i got together. Within the first month i found out he had cheated on me. But we had just moved in together because his mom was kicking him out(he was 23). After we were living together i found out he raped my roomate and also a good friend of mine(2 different folks). I didnt understand for years that being cooersed into sex wasnt normal. It wasn't normal to not want to and feel bad and do it anyway. He eventually got worse. Started punching holes in walls next to my face. Finally after he shook in the car aftter a fight, it hit me i left. I immediately rebounded to 2, 2 grabbed me by my hair while he was on acid and threatened to carve his name into my face. I left shortly after that and 3 swooped in as i was a vunerable target. He would punch his steering wheel when he was angry. And he would guilt me about being scared saying his “ex left him because he was too violent”. I grew up with an abusive father, and i didnt realize until 2 years went by that my saftey was in danger. It started with voilence against objects, and turned into shaking me when i was crying. 3 was never the definition of physical but he would start fights right before bed and keep me up for hours. Telling me what i was doing wrong with my life, my money, what was wrong w my body. At one point a roommate interviened in a fight bc they couldn’t stand hearing 3 berate me the way they constantly did. 3 also would guilt me when i didn't want sex. I wondered for so many years across those relationships, why i never had much sexual interest in my partner after a few months. And i would never feel comfy undressing. It’s because 1 and 2 both felt like they had free access to my body and i didn’t like/understand that. In all im still making peace with all that ive lost. When i left 3, i got together with his friend who saw the abuse and couldnt be friends with him anymore after over it. Alot of my friends chose 3’s side after because they stopped believing me when i got together with friend. Friend and i are still together and im working every day to get past my ptsd from those experiences.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.