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Survivor story
1975 sex abuse survivor / 1989 rape survivor
Original story
Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting.
Message to a Survivor
go get some professional help, do not think that you can handle this yourself because you cannot it eats away at your soul, and do not think about commiting suicide once you are dead your dead there is no comeback to life card, as somebody who has walk this road i know what you are going through and i believe you.
Message of Healing
haveing family around you tat care about you like for me its my 2 cats cat names they are always therefore, plus my brother brother name and my best friend friend name who is like a brother to me as well, plus using yoga as a way to heal both on the inside as well as the outside.
it began in the summer of 1975 when i was 8 years old my brother name came over to our home on home location where i am from he came with my other brother name 2 who had just got his license my sister name 3 was outside with everyone and i was a very camera shy child so i went up to my bedroom to play with my startrek playset and my brother name came in from the bathroom closed the door and asked me if i wanted to play doctor thinking he ment the childs version i said yes, instead we played the adult version and he had me take off my clothes and he was touching my naked body including my penis and my genitals, then he said some very filthy sex talk to me like you would find in hustler magazine and he was 19 years old, and said to me if you say anything to mom i will say that you wanted it. / then in september of 1989 my brother name and his girlffriend name 4 came up from st.petersburg, florida and stayed with mom and me for 3 months and while mom was at work they would rape me every night for 90 days i was forced to have a threesome against my will name 4 would force me to have sex with her in the back and make me lick her vagina until she had a loud orgasm, and force me to breast feed of her breasts, or she would take me behind school where she would make me take off my clothes and have sex with her right there out in the open, then one night name said he was going to make a real man out of me and take me to club name which is a strip club and paied one of the strippers 200.00 to have her way with me while he stayed in there and watched it all happen and did not stop it, the strip club has since long closed down, but then he would take me to an adult book store to watch xxx rated movies in a private booth and made me drop my pants and underwear so i had to masturbate while watching them then the next time went he made me take off my clothes and face the wall inside the booth i heard his belt buck hit the floor, i said name no he said shut up you are nothing but a fucking retard to me and im going to do what i want he snuck in his girlfriends vibrator and used it on me the cleark turned a deafs ear and ignored it, then name 4 and name would take me down into the basement of my home force me to strip naked and tie a ball gag on my mouth so i could not scream then tie my hands above my head on a beam and use a vibrator, stungun, taser, and whip on me then they would wet their hands and spank my ass untill it was red all i thought about every night for those 90 days of pure hell was wanting to commit suicide just to make it all end, but thanks to a divine intervention from god i am still here.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.