At this point in my life I don't give a crap about my own healing or healing goals I just want an opportunity to try to heal anything about my kids they didn't ask for any of this I failed them miserably and they don't understand what it is to be an adult I believe that our children only know us as parents and they think that we should know everything about parenting and how can we possibly dare make any mistakes because that's our job they don't see us as my children don't see me as a woman or a human being that had her own s*** that she was going through and it was hard for me too and I didn't know how to walk us all through it I didn't have a clue and that makes me really mad about stupid AI's now there's half a dozen AIS on my phone that now I can just say what should I do in this situation what do my kids need now that book that we all said didn't come with having kids to teach us to raise them no it's here now it's AI on your phone and it really should have came out a long long time ago because the world would be a different place and so many people wouldn't be so twisted I failed them it was my one job then I lost sight of the goal before I was done with the race and I just want to try to heal some of that for them I don't care about myself that's where I went wrong I stopped putting them first I was so afraid of being my piece of crap mom that I didn't be the mom I could have had I known I mean I wasn't my mom that's for sure I achieved that goal but I missed a lot of things along the way that I should have been I didn't keep friends I didn't have a social life I didn't have a relationship with my husband I didn't go anywhere but the grocery store and work for over a decade and a half I was Uber mom and super wife that was what I was and I was damn good at it and I burnt myself out I got burnt out no one appreciated it no one thing to me for it I wasn't noticed so I stood up one day and said I'm going to take care of myself first for a change I want to be happy I want my children to see what it's like to be a happy person my children didn't even know me I was miserable they didn't know what it was like to be in a healthy normal loving relationship with anyone I should have just kept my mouth shut and kept my head down until I was done with that job and I didn't so my healing goal is I want to hold them one more time and hear their voices one more time know that I could recognize them if they were standing next to me in line at the grocery store and even if it doesn't work just one tiny tiny opportunity to try to heal anyone tiny piece of all of the millions of pieces of their broken hearts before I die that's my goal for healing