Bienvenido a Our Wave.
Este es un espacio donde sobrevivientes de trauma y abuso comparten sus historias junto a aliados que los apoyan. Estas historias nos recuerdan que existe esperanza incluso en tiempos difíciles. Nunca estás solo en tu experiencia. La sanación es posible para todos.
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#1268
3 meses después
It's been awhile since I last posted. But so far, still going strong. I've connected with old friends, made new ones, traveling to a different country, going to college, and thinking about changing jobs. It's been kind of hectic lately. I was working 3 jobs on top of being a full time parent, so being tired is an understatement. But I'm here, I'm happy that I'm moving forward. I reported my abuser to authorities, which is what prompted me to type out my original post. I had mix feelings about it. I felt shame, hurt, guilt, and anger. I didn't want to go on life hating myself anymore.. I have friends that love and support me. My family loves and adores me. If I don't end up loving myself one day, at least a handful of people do, and that keeps me going
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Mensaje de sanación
I think healing to me means it's in the past, it can't be change. All that can be done now is to move forward, and to not succumb to turmoil and depression. I want to get to a place where I'm actually happy in life and not thinking about what was done to me. Or at least muffle it out with my own success in life that we made it and we're still kicking ass
I like to think I'm alright now. I mean, I'm 24 years old. I have my own things in life and my own family. I like to think I'm grounded and unbreakable against the pains of the past. But in all honesty, I'm more fragile, more sensitive, and more complex than ever. What used to be memories I could easily shake off for a day or two, are now all I can think about. It's hard to go to people in the real world who know you, who know what you've been through.. but don't know the weight, pain, and burden of it.. I don't really know how to start off with explaining and describing my abuse and the things that were done to me. I think that's just the mind's way of protecting oneself. Because I'm scared. I'm scared of remembering anything else that was done to me.. I was just 6 years old when it all happened. It started out as pictures. As a young girl, of course I never would've thought this was strange. Now, I feel disgusting, knowing that what happened after these photos would be 3 years worth abuse. Then those 3 years of abuse would snowball to years of hate for myself. I hated myself for so many years. I fell heavily down a dark hole when I realized what was done to me was ugly and disgusting. My abuse caused me to have this very contorted view of myself as a person. I ended up self harming, falling into eating disorders, and taking pills. I stopped planning for the future. I was so convinced I wouldn't make it past a certain age. It's been a long journey looking back. I often wish I can go back in time and tell my younger self, it's a hard battle, but we're still here. I'm still trying.
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