Monster in the Family

When I was younger, I had an uncle who was always a little too nice. He gave me money, cool trinkets, and always made me say he was my “favorite uncle”. It wasn’t until I was about 14/15 he started talking to me about more sensitive topics. I even recall a time he asked for my KIK- if you know, you know- and I didn’t think anything of it. I was admittedly curious- and this made me feel guilty. He tried sexting me. I blocked him on the app and never addressed it, I felt disgusted. Because I’M the one who added him.…. Awhile later, I was 15, he spent the night at my mom’s house. I believe we had a family party or trip and it was closer for him to stay with us. We were sitting on the couch and he shared a blanket with me. My mom sat literally right across from us, and he started rubbing up my leg and thigh…. I wanted to scream. To shout for help. But I once again felt disgusting and guilty. I got up and went into the kitchen, and he followed behind me, grabbed my hips, and pull me back against him. I wanted to throw up… I went to my room after that and just laid there asking what was wrong with me. There were minor occurrences after this. Touching, texts, lewd comments.. Thanksgiving 2019 we were at my grandparents house around a gambling table. My uncle sat next to me, and without warning slid his hand up my leg, i was wearing a black and white dress with a maroon cardigan…. I pulled away and he had the audacity to text me “I was real close that time.” I wanted to tell my mom. But I found out around this time that my ‘sister’, a girl my mom had custody of when we were younger, was groomed and sexually abused by an older married man when she was 15.. (I truly believe it was this uncle), and my mom blamed her and sent her back to Mexico…. I was so scared my mom would blame me, hate me, look at me different- even send me to Mexico. I was ashamed and disgusted with myself even more… I found out around this time and shortly after that I am not the only woman in the family he has done things too. I have a slightly older cousin who admits that he has said vulgar things and tried things, I have a younger cousin who admits he’s pulled her into his lap a few times and touches her inappropriately. I found out from an aunt, the mother of the younger cousin, that when she lived in the city with another aunt, they kicked this uncle out because they caught him peeping on one of them through a window after getting out of the shower. His own mother has told me he used to peep on her getting dressed or showering when he was younger too. These are just things these women and my family were willing to discuss, there could be so much more to each story and other women too… At this point, I didn’t feel so alone.. but in a sense I did, because why was nobody speaking up. Was I overreacting? Should I let it go? Is something wrong with me? Is this just normal in every family. I also felt angry. They all had a chance to stop him, turn him away, tell the whole family, protect anyone else, but they didn’t. He stopped coming around for reason unknown, and I felt free. I felt like I could breathe. I didn’t think about him for a long time. Then my aunt, his mother, moved in with me and my mom for a short time. My mom was letting him come over and visit him mother and spend the night. I was scared, sick, ashamed, all over again. So I told my mom I hated him, I wanted nothing to do with him, I told her I may never feel comfortable telling her everything that happened to me but I needed her to know something did happen. I avoided him the whole visit. It’s been a few years since then. A few days ago my grandpa was chatting with my mom and asked about this uncle and his wife. “Miraculously” this uncle messaged my mom out of the blue to go to lunch with him the next day. There’s this horrible feeling that my mother is actually the one who reached out to him… I dont know what to do. I feel like I’m 15 again, drowning and screaming but no one can hear me under the surface. I feel disgust and anger with myself and I hate myself. I have this fear my mom is going to try bringing him around more often again, and that again now woman in my family will stand up or say anything. I am 26 now.. and a 15 year old brother who is my entire world. And I feel like I should tell him, as PG as possible, what this man did to me and vaguely that he’s done the same to other women in my family. Because if no one was willing to protect me when I was younger, I need him to know so he doesn’t idolize or hang out with this uncle. I’m also thinking I might tell my mom fully… what happened.. but I’m afraid she’ll hate me, look at me different, blame me.. but I need her to know. I fear she’ll feel some type of way if she finds out after her lunch with this uncle… like “you knew this happened to you and you still let me go to lunch with him?” Or “it can’t be that bad if you didn’t stop me from having lunch with him.?” I feel like a teen again.. I thought I was over this.. but I’m not..