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Survivor story
Ivy League Assistant Dean attempted assault
Original story
Message to a Survivor
The only hope is that we get these jerks out of academia.
Message of Healing
I am not sure that I know.
I was a first year undergraduate at an Ivy League school, looking forward to my required appointment with a dean to have my course schedule signed. This was supposed to be an advising session. The assistant dean was a young British man who displayed his knowledge of English literature. He offered to show me some manuscripts. He walked with back to the men's dorm where he was a resident advisor. I was naive and didn't suspect that anything was wrong. As soon as we got to his room, his personality completely changed. He grabbed my arm and started swinging me around. I started yelling at the top of my lungs. He let me go and I ran out of there. This was 1968. There were no words to describe what happened. The term "sexual harassment" hadn't yet been invented. There was nobody to talk to or report it to. He went on to become a full professor at another Ivy League school, and then, mysteriously, at one of the top scientific colleges in the US. This harasser had a lifelong tenured career in academia. I never had the chance for a full time faculty position. I never received that advising session I was supposed to have in my freshman year.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.