Understanding and embracing healing

Thank you for trusting us with this and I am sorry you feel like you are spiraling. What you're describing - unwanted sexual touching without consent - could certainly be considered sexual assault, but it's entirely up to you how you want to think about and label your experience. There's no requirement to use any particular term, and only you can decide what words feel right for you in understanding what happened. But I want to be very clear: you are not making a mountain out of nothing.

Nothing about what you're carrying sounds silly. The fact that it took years and involves touches that were framed as casual, with witnesses who shrugged it off, makes it harder to name and harder to trust your own read on, not easier. To answer your first question, sexual harassment does not require overtly sexual touching to be real or to qualify legally or clinically. What you're describing, repeated physical contact over seven years, closer-than-wanted proximity, contact that happened without your consent and was minimized when you re...

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I am so sorry you are going through this. I want to acknowledge the depth and complexity of what you are experiencing, particularly given the layered context of processing both past and present trauma during a vulnerable time in your life.

The healing process can be an opportunity to regain the control and autonomy that is often taken away during a traumatic experience. You are in the driver seat of your recovery and you decide how you want to navigate your healing and what’s best for you.

Healing from trauma is not a linear process, and it’s common and completely normal to have days that feel a lot worse than others. Having a bad day does not mean you are not improving. It does not mean that you are getting worse.  If you take a step back and think about where you were when you first began your healing process, it can help you see the larger picture and find the improvements you have made and the growth you’ve experienced.

Thank you for asking this. Recovery after sexual assault is a deeply personal journey that unfolds differently for each survivor. Drawing from research on trauma healing, I want to share some insights about the recovery process while acknowledging that there is no single "right" way to heal. Your path and timeline are your own.

While there is no simple answer to this question, here is a summary of what we discussed this week that may help. First, safety and security is an important foundation to trauma recovery. If you are able, separate yourself from locations or people that trigger painful memories or perpetuate abuse. Establish a safe and nurturing environment to provide a strong foundation and minimize harm that can occur when you do not have a safe place to heal.

Thank you for reaching out to us. I hear how heavy and frustrating this feels for you right now. You are not alone. Living with trauma can sometimes feel like carrying a weight that just won't lift, and it's completely understandable to feel discouraged and frustrated when it seems like it's affecting everything in your life.

It's natural to wonder how you'll recognize that you're prepared to explore painful memories and experiences more openly. Often, it begins with little signs of curiosity about what happened or a sense that you're tired of avoiding certain thoughts, places, or conversations. You may also notice a growing desire to understand why you respond to situations in certain ways, or an urge to reconnect with parts of yourself that you've kept hidden. Feeling the weight of the trauma lingering and wanting relief can be another signal of readiness. Someti...

Many survivors of sexual violence describe recovery as an ongoing process that takes time. You might notice some days feel really good, while other days are more difficult to get through.  There are so many different ways our bodies & minds respond to trauma. While we are all unique in our experiences, & in the ways we cope & recover, there are some patterns & commonalities that many survivors share.

 Forgiveness plays an incredibly complicated and sometimes contentious role in the traμma recovery. After experiencing traμma, it is not uncommon for people to tell you that forgiveness is the only path forward to recovery. However, this is not entirely true. 

Thank you for trusting us with this. I want to assure you that intrusive thoughts about past unwanted experiences are an incredibly common response - they don't reflect your desires or values, and having them doesn't mean anything negative about you. Your understanding that these are just thoughts, not wishes, already shows important self-awareness.

Moving from a victim to a survivor mindset can be a difficult and personal journey. First, it is important to note that it is okay if you are in a place where you feel like a victim. You experienced something traumautic and how you choose to define yourself is up to you.  If you are interested in redefining your relationship with your traumatic experience, some steps that may be helpful in making this transition include:

Now let’s talk a little bit about how trauma can be a part of your identity after you recognize it’s severity. Once the numbness or minimization subsides, depending on the nature of your trauma, you may experience feelings of hopelessness or overwhelm. In this phase, you can feel overpowered by your feelings or triggered by many things around you. This is the most difficult time to engage in healing work, but also can be the most critical. To get through this time, try acknowledging and naming your feelings without ruminating on them. You can...

Thank you for asking this difficult but important question. It's completely understandable that you're experiencing discomfort and anxiety around your older male teachers, given both the inherent power dynamics in teacher-student relationships and your past experiences of abuse.

Thank you for trusting this space with your story. What you experienced was profound betrayal by multiple people who should have protected you, and the courage it takes to reach out and name these experiences is significant. You deserved safety, protection, and care throughout your childhood, and none of what happened to you was your fault.

There is nothing wrong with you for still feeling this way. The disgust you're feeling is not about who you are...it's about what was done to you. But trauma has a cruel way of turning that outward violation inward, making you feel like the wrongness lives inside your body rather than in the actions of the person who harmed you.

Thank you for bringing up something that many survivors experience but often feel confused or alone about. It's completely normal for our brains to create associations between past experiences and seemingly unrelated words, sounds, smells, or situations. These connections might not make logical sense, but they're actually our brain's way of trying to keep us safe by staying alert to anything it associates with past experiences.

Thank you for this question. This is a really tough one. Forgiveness plays an incredibly complicated and sometimes contentious role in trauma recovery. Is it possible to to make amends with your abuser? Sure...in theory. Is it necessary for your healing? That is up to you. 

Thank you for bringing this here. When you ask whether you might be “making a mountain out of a molehill,” you’re wondering whether you’re making something small into a bigger deal than it really is. We appreciate that you are paying this kind of attention to your inner life. It shows how seriously you are taking your own healing.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. What happened to you was not your fault, and your feelings—whatever they may be—are completely valid. First, I want to acknowledge the strength it shows that you're seeking to understand this difficult part of your past. The confusion about why your cousin would have done this without having experienced abuse herself is completely understandable. When events like this happen, especially in childhood, it can leave us with deep questions and a yearning to make sense of something th...

Thank you for sharing your experience with such honesty. I feel the exhaustion and frustration in your words, and I want to acknowledge how deeply challenging it is to keep working at healing when progress feels small despite your significant efforts. Many survivors reach this point of feeling worn down by the constant work of recovery, especially when they've done everything "right" - therapy, self-care, support groups - and still find themselves struggling.

Thank you for reaching out to us with such deeply personal feelings. I want to start by saying that it takes immense strength to name the pain you're carrying, and I'm honored that you've trusted us with your story. What you're experiencing--all of it--makes complete sense, and you are not alone in feeling this way.

Thank you for having the courage to reach out about these difficult feelings. What you're experiencing is a recognized trauma response that many survivors face, though it's rarely discussed due to shame and fear of judgment. Please know that having these thoughts doesn't make you "broken" or diminish your experience of abuse - they are your mind's complex way of trying to process trauma.

Thank you for sharing your story and complex feelings with us. Your struggle to process what happened to you makes complete sense. Missing someone who hurt you, even wanting to see them again, is an extremely common response to this type of relationship - especially when it involved someone in a position of trust like a teacher.

Thank you for reaching out to us with your feelings and frustrations. The sense of injustice after trauma can feel overwhelming, and it's particularly hard when the very support system meant to help you heal doesn't feel like the right fit. Feeling that life is unfair after trauma is a natural and valid response. You've experienced something that shouldn't have happened, and there's a profound unfairness in having to carry the weight of someone else's actions. It's okay to feel angry, hurt, or frustrated about this. These feelings aren't a fai...

Thank you for reaching out to us. It's completely understandable to have a mix of emotions in this situation. Feeling resentful, angry, glad, and confused all at once doesn't make you selfish—it makes you human.You've been through a complex and difficult experience, and it's normal to have conflicting feelings when someone who has caused you harm says they want to change and then leaves. On one hand, you might have hoped for them to get better, and on the other, you might feel hurt by their actions and the impact they've had on your life...

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to revisit these memories and put them into words. What you went through as a child was deeply unfair and overwhelming. You were placed in situations that no child should ever have to face, and it's important to acknowledge that none of this was your fault. You were navigating a challenging environment without the support and protection that you deserved.

Thank you so much for trusting us with your story. I'm deeply sorry that you've had to endure such painful and confusing experiences. What you've described are serious violations of your boundaries and trust by someone who should have protected and cared for you. Your feelings of hurt, confusion, and betrayal are completely valid.The behaviors you've detailed involving your mother indeed sound like forms of abuse. Treating you as a companion rather than a child, exposing you to inappropriate content, invading your privacy, making unsettling co...

Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal and painful experience with us. Thank you also for your work supporting the mental health of those in your community. I can only imagine how challenging it must be to carry these memories and the weight they bring. You deserve support in processing this trauma - both as a survivor and as a therapist who carries their own wounds.