When I was young, around 6-7 years old, I had sexual experiences with my cousin who was a year older. I also remember situations where my parents had sexual relations while I was in bed with them, thinking I was asleep. I'm seeking guidance about whether these experiences constitute sexual abuse.

Thank you for reaching out and sharing these memories and concerns with us. When looking back at childhood experiences, especially those involving boundaries and intimacy, it can be confusing to interpret them with our adult understanding. At the ages of six or seven, children are naturally curious about their bodies and the world around them. It's common for children to explore and mimic behaviors they observe, even without fully grasping their meaning.

However, the experiences you describe have characteristics of childhood sexual abuse. When young children engage in sexual activities, even when they appear "mutually consensual," it's important to understand that children of that age don't have the capacity to give true consent to sexual activities. At 6-7 years old, brain and emotional development doesn't allow for full understanding of the implications of these acts. The fact that you remember feeling it "wasn't right" suggests that your childhood intuition recognized something was out of place and that a boundary was being crossed. Such feelings are important and valid, and engaging in activities that make a child feel uncomfortable can impact how they perceive themselves and their relationships later on.

Regarding the situation with your parents, being exposed to their intimate moments while you were present in the bed is concerning. This also constitutes a form of childhood sexual abuse known as inappropriate sexual exposure. Children depend on adults to establish appropriate boundaries and protect them from experiences they're not ready to understand. Witnessing or sensing sexual activity at a young age can be confusing and may lead to feelings of discomfort or anxiety. The fact that you mentioned it innocently and were scolded could have added to your confusion or feelings of shame, even though you didn't do anything wrong.

Both experiences involve exposure to sexual situations that you weren't developmentally prepared to process. This early exposure can sometimes blur boundaries and affect a child's understanding of appropriate behavior. These situations have elements of inappropriate boundaries or inadvertent exposure that can be considered forms of sexual abuse or neglect, especially considering their impact on you now.

It's crucial that you understand that none of this was your fault. Your cousin, being only a year older, was also a child, but this doesn't minimize the impact these experiences may have had on you. Children naturally explore, but adults and caregivers have the responsibility to create appropriate boundaries and protect minors from premature sexual experiences.

It's important to acknowledge your feelings about these experiences. They are valid, and it's okay to seek support to understand them better. These experiences can have lasting effects on your emotional wellbeing, relationships, and sexuality. It's common for survivors to experience confusion, guilt, shame, or difficulties in intimate relationships. It's also normal to have fragmented or confusing memories about traumatic childhood events.

I strongly recommend seeking support from a mental health professional who specializes in childhood experiences or childhood sexual trauma. A trained therapist can provide you with a safe space to explore these memories and their effects, help you process these experiences safely, and develop healing strategies. There are also support groups and specialized organizations that can offer you resources and connection with other survivors.

Remember, you were a child navigating situations that you couldn't fully understand, and none of this was your fault. You deserve compassion and support as you work through these feelings. Taking this step to seek guidance shows strength and a commitment to your well-being. Your healing matters, and you deserve support in this process of understanding and recovery.