When I was in high school, my boyfriend would touch me inappropriately in public without my consent. This happened 12 years ago, but it still affects me today. Is it normal that I'm still impacted by this experience, and is it okay that I sometimes wonder if what happened was assault?

Thank you for reaching out to us! It is completely understandable that you still feel affected by what happened, even after twelve years. Moments like the ones you describe, when someone touches you without asking and goes against your boundaries, can stay with you for a long time, no matter how young you were or how much time has passed. What you experienced was a violation of your boundaries and your bodily autonomy, and it's completely normal to question the nature of those experiences, especially when you cared about the person at the time.

Having a boyfriend does not make any unwanted sexual contact okay, and the fact that you were in high school does not lessen the seriousness of the situation. The key point is that he didn't ask for your consent or respect your comfort level, and that's the part that can linger in your mind and body years later. Many survivors wonder why they still think about past boundary violations, even much later in life. It can feel confusing to revisit the memories and wonder if you should have "gotten over it" by now.

Trauma doesn't follow a timeline, and there's no expiration date on how long something can impact you. Our bodies and minds often store memories of non-consensual contact, and they can resurface when something reminds us of them or when we grow older and gain perspective. The public nature of these incidents may have added additional layers of complexity. Like perhaps feelings of helplessness, embarrassment, or confusion about why someone who was supposed to care about you would disregard your comfort and safety.

Only you can decide how to name and understand your experiences. Whether you choose to call what happened assault or use different words entirely, your feelings and reactions are valid. The person you were back then may not have known exactly how to define what was going on, and that is common. Even if you weren't physically harmed, you were still subjected to non-consensual touching, and the emotional weight of that can be just as significant.

Give yourself permission to acknowledge the impact these experiences have had, even if they feel like they happened ages ago. Your healing process belongs to you, and there's no right or wrong way to process what you went through. The worry, confusion, or sense of violation you're feeling now is valid and doesn't diminish with time for everyone. What matters is that you were uncomfortable and did not consent to that kind of touching. No amount of time passing changes the fact that he crossed your boundaries, and you have every right to continue healing and finding peace on your own timeline. Thank you for trusting us with this.