I’m pretty sure a family member might’ve been abusing me when I was a child or at least it was very inappropriate. I didn't enjoy or want these interactions, and my discomfort was visible, but I never explicitly objected. When I was kissed, I kissed back. If I had actively participated, did I commit incest?

Thank you for reaching out and sharing something so personal and difficult. I want you to know that your feelings are completely valid, and you're not alone in experiencing this kind of confusion and concern.

First and foremost, I want to emphasize that children cannot consent to sexual contact with adults, especially family members. The responsibility for maintaining appropriate boundaries always lies with the adult, not the child. The fact that you may have kissed back does not mean you did anything wrong or that you committed incest. Children often respond to adults in ways that reflect what they think is expected of them, especially when they're seeking affection, approval, or trying to make sense of a confusing situation.

When inappropriate behavior happens between a child and a family member, it can be incredibly confusing and lead to complicated emotions. Children often respond to abuse in ways that might seem confusing later—such as kissing back—typically due to confusion, fear, a desire to please, or simply not knowing how to respond. These are normal survival responses and do not indicate consent or willing participation. Your reactions were normal responses to an abnormal and inappropriate situation imposed upon you.

Your body's natural physiological responses or any actions you took as a child do not make you responsible for what happened. Many survivors question their role in their abuse, wondering if they could have done something differently or if they somehow "participated." This self-blame is a common but misplaced reaction. The blame lies solely with the adult who violated boundaries and took advantage of a child's vulnerability.

Feelings of guilt or self-blame are common among individuals who have experienced such situations, but it's crucial to remember that the responsibility lies entirely with the person who initiated the inappropriate behavior. You were not in a position of power, and you did not have the knowledge or ability to fully understand or control what was happening.

Recovery from childhood abuse often involves understanding that you were not at fault, regardless of how your body responded or what actions you took. Working with a trauma-informed therapist can be incredibly helpful in processing these experiences and the complex feelings that accompany them. They can offer a safe space to explore your emotions and help you work towards healing.

Please be gentle with yourself. You did nothing wrong, and you deserve understanding, compassion, and support as you navigate this difficult journey. Healing is possible.