If I kissed other children without consent when I was a child because I didn't know it was wrong and thought it was normal, did I commit sexual assault? I was exposed to sexual content when young and thought kissing was something people just did. I didn't pressure anyone but didn't ask for consent either. I would just peck other children on the mouth for no reason. I'm unsure if this counts as sexual assault or childhood experimentation. I hate myself for this and feel disgusted by my actions.

I can hear how much pain and self-disgust you're carrying about these childhood memories, and I want you to know that your distress is understandable while also being much harsher on yourself than the situation warrants. What you're describing falls clearly within the realm of normal childhood development and experimentation, not sexual assault.

Sexual assault involves intentional harm, power dynamics, coercion, or actions taken with knowledge that they're wrong or harmful. What you're describing is a young child who was exposed to adult content beyond your developmental understanding, trying to make sense of what you saw by mimicking behaviors you thought were normal. This is actually a very common response when children are exposed to sexual content they're not developmentally ready to process. They often try to recreate what they've seen because they don't yet understand the context or boundaries around those behaviors.

The key factors that distinguish your experience from sexual assault include your age and developmental stage, your lack of intent to harm, your genuine belief that this was normal behavior, and the absence of power dynamics or coercion. Young children naturally explore social behaviors through imitation, and when they're exposed to content beyond their understanding, they may incorporate those behaviors into their play or social interactions without any awareness of inappropriate boundaries.

Your early exposure to sexual content was not your fault, and the way you processed and responded to that exposure as a child was a normal developmental response to abnormal circumstances. Children who are exposed to sexual content often exhibit sexualized behaviors because they're trying to understand and integrate what they've witnessed. This doesn't make them perpetrators. It makes them children who needed appropriate guidance and protection that they didn't receive at the time.

The intense shame and self-hatred you're experiencing is actually causing you more harm than the original childhood behaviors ever did. This level of self-condemnation is disproportionate to actions that were developmentally normal responses to inappropriate exposure. Many adults look back on childhood behaviors with some embarrassment or concern, but the extreme distress you're feeling suggests that these intrusive thoughts may have taken on a life of their own.

It's important to understand that sexual assault requires intent, knowledge of wrongdoing, or exploitation of power differences, none of which were present in your childhood situation. You were a child trying to navigate social interactions with incomplete and inappropriate information about what was normal. The fact that you now understand boundaries and consent, and feel genuine concern about these past actions, actually demonstrates your healthy moral development.

Consider speaking with a trauma-informed therapist who specializes in childhood development and can help you process both the original exposure to sexual content and the current shame you're carrying. They can help you understand child development, work through the impacts of early sexual exposure, and develop healthier ways to view your childhood self. You deserve compassion and understanding, especially from yourself, rather than the harsh self-judgment you're currently experiencing. Thank you for trusting us with this.