I wrote about my story before, but I left out something that also causes me guilt, shame and disgust. When I was little (between 6 and 8 years old), I saw my parents having sex in the same bed where I was sleeping. I could see and hear everything because they had the light on. Years later, during my teenage years, I sometimes used those images from my memory to masturbate. This makes me feel like I'm a sick person. Is there something wrong with me? I feel very ashamed.

Thank you for reaching out to us. What you experienced wasn't your fault, and your later reaction doesn't indicate that there's something wrong with you. What you're describing is a completely understandable response to an experience you should never have had as a child.

When children are exposed to adult sexual activity, this is considered a form of sexual abuse called "inappropriate sexual exposure." Even though your parents may not have intended to harm you, this exposure can create what trauma specialists call "traumatic early sexualization." Your child brain stored these images before you had the cognitive development to process them in a healthy way.

During adolescence, when your sexuality began developing naturally, your mind drew upon the only concrete sexual images it had available. This is a normal neurological response, not a conscious choice or a reflection of your moral values. Early sexual trauma can create confusing connections between sexual arousal and disturbing memories, which is a survival response of the brain, not a personal failing.

The feelings of shame and disgust you describe are common reactions to sexual trauma. Many people who have lived through similar experiences carry these feelings without realizing they are normal symptoms of having been exposed to something inappropriate during their development. Your ability to recognize these feelings and seek answers shows strength and self-awareness.

It's very common for people who had inappropriate early sexual exposure to experience exactly the feelings you describe: guilt, shame, and confusion about their own normal sexual responses. These feelings are valid, but the shame you feel belongs to the inappropriate situation you experienced, not to you as a person. Your sexual response during adolescence was a normal function of development, even when the images came from a problematic experience.

Healing is possible. A therapist who specializes in sexual trauma can help you process these experiences and develop strategies for managing difficult feelings. You deserve to live without this burden of shame. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.