I went through a sexual assault a few months ago and I'm having a really hard time dealing with it on my own. I want to tell my friends what happened because I think that it would make it feel less shameful. I'm worried that if I tell them, they will stress over it all the time or that it will ruin their day or week, and I can't get past that fear. How do you go about telling a friend something like this without having them worry too much about you and your situation?

I am so sorry you went through that. It's completely natural to want to share your experience with friends, especially when dealing with the aftermath of sexual assault on your own. Sharing your experience with friends can be an important step in your healing journey. Many survivors find that talking to someone they trust helps alleviate some of the burden and makes things feel less overwhelming.

It's completely understandable to worry about how your friends might react. Your concern about causing them stress shows your compassion and thoughtfulness, even as you're going through something difficult yourself. Your feelings and need for support are equally important, however.

When sharing with friends, consider starting with someone you feel safest with and setting some gentle boundaries around the conversation. One approach might be choosing a time when you feel comfortable and when your friends are in a good space to listen. You could begin by saying something like, "I want to share something difficult that happened to me, and I mainly need you to listen. I'm working through it at my own pace," or "I've been dealing with something challenging lately, and I would really appreciate having your support. I want to share it with you, but please know that I'm managing and I just need someone to listen."

By framing it this way, you give them a heads-up about the seriousness of the conversation while also reassuring them that you're handling it. You can directly address your concern by saying, "I'm telling you this because I trust you, not because I expect you to fix anything or worry about me constantly." This opens the door for them to offer support without feeling overwhelmed.

Remember that good friends typically want to support you through difficult times. While they may initially feel concerned, most people can handle hearing about hard experiences, and many will feel honored that you trusted them enough to share. True friends will want to be there for you, and they may appreciate that you've chosen to confide in them. It's also okay to let them know what you need—whether it's just a listening ear, a hug, or maybe some distraction after the conversation.

Some survivors find it helpful to have resources ready to share with friends - perhaps information about sexual assault or suggestions for how they can support you. This gives friends concrete ways to help rather than feeling helpless or overly worried.

Your instinct that sharing might reduce shame is spot-on. Shame thrives in isolation, and bringing your experience into the light with supportive people often helps diminish those feelings. It's important to take care of yourself during this process. Sharing such personal experiences can be emotionally taxing, so consider giving yourself some time afterward to rest and reflect. If you find that talking to your friends isn't enough, or if you feel you need additional support, reaching out to a professional who specializes in trauma might be helpful.

Above all, be gentle with yourself. What happened to you is not your fault, and you don't have to carry it alone. Your healing belongs to you, and sharing with friends can be an important part of reclaiming your story and your strength. Thank you for trusting us with this.