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Can it count as abuse even if this other person is also a woman and was around 10 years old? I feel like everyone is going to say that it doesn't count as abuse just for this reason.

Dr. Laura

Answer by Dr. Laura

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Thank you so much for this question. First and foremost, it’s important to remember that only you can define what happened to you. Sexual violence is deeply personal, and how you understand and process your experiences is entirely up to you. While we aim to provide support and information, please know that we are not here to label or define your experience. Your experience is yours and yours alone.

Sexual abuse can occur in various forms and can involve individuals of any gender and age. The gender and age of the person who harmed you does not diminish the severity or impact of the abuse you experienced. Abuse is defined by actions that violate consent and boundaries, causing harm and distress to the survivor. Regardless of the identities of those involved, if you have experienced unwanted sexual behaviors that have caused you pain and suffering, it is valid to recognize it as abuse.

It's understandable to fear that others may dismiss or invalidate your experiences based on misconceptions about gender and age dynamics. However, it's essential to prioritize your own understanding of your experiences and seek support from individuals and resources that will validate your feelings. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be heard and supported as you navigate your healing journey.

You might consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma to further process what you went through and help you determine next steps. They can offer a safe space to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies to help you heal. You are not alone, and there are communities and resources available to provide you with the support and validation you deserve. This is your journey, and you have the right to navigate it in the way that feels right for you. Thank you again for trusting us with this question.

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5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

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3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

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5. What is the current year?

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7. What season is it?

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Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.