At a party, I became heavily intoxicated to the point where I was not able to control my actions or form clear memories. During this time, a man kissed me twice without my clear consent, when I was too impaired to understand what was happening or express what I wanted. This experience has troubled me for a long time and I've struggled with feelings of shame. I'm trying to understand if this would be considered sexual assault. Having clarity about how to define this experience might help me process my feelings and trauma around it more effectively. Can you help me understand this?

Thank you for reaching out and sharing this experience with us. I am sorry you are going through this. It's understandable that you're feeling confused and ashamed. What you've described is a serious situation and we will help you to process it the best we can.

Consent is a crucial part of any physical interaction. Being significantly intoxicated to the point where you couldn't control yourself or fully understand what was happening means that you were not in a position to give clear, informed consent. In fact, being that intoxicated means you were legally incapable of giving consent. When someone is too impaired to make conscious decisions or clearly communicate their wishes, any sexual activity initiated with them is non-consensual.

What happened to you could certainly be considered sexual assault. While only you can choose how to define your experience, and it's completely okay if you're not comfortable using that term, what you described does seem to meet the definition - any sexual activity (including kissing) without clear consent. Feeling ashamed is an incredibly common reaction to these types of experiences, but please know that you hold no responsibility for what happened. Being drunk does not mean you "asked for it" or deserved what happened. The only person responsible is the one who chose to take advantage of your vulnerable state.

If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to a sexual assault counselor through RAINN's hotline (1-800-656-4673). They have extensive experience helping survivors understand and process experiences like yours, and can provide support without judgment. They can also connect you with local resources and trauma-informed therapists who can help you work through these feelings.

Remember that there's no "right" way to feel about or label your experience. Take things at your own pace, and know that whatever you're feeling is valid. You deserve support and understanding as you process this. You're not alone. Thank you for trusting us with this.