Will I be able to feel aroused again after childhood sexual assault? I am 30-year-old female and have found it extremely difficult to enjoy sex or masturbation for years now, let alone orgasm. What’s going on?

Thank you for sharing this sensitive and important question. What you're experiencing is a common and understandable reaction to childhood sexual assault. Many survivors struggle with sexual difficulties, including low arousal, trouble enjoying sexual activities, and difficulty reaching orgasm. These issues often stem from the trauma's impact on your mind and body's associations with sex and intimacy.

It's crucial to understand that while sexual assault is categorically not sex, sexual assault can make sexual encounters and sensations triggering. Components of the trauma memory from the past can get associated with experiences in the present, activating the trauma response. If this happens to you, it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It simply indicates there's work to do, and importantly, this work can be pleasurable.

Healing from trauma involves actively integrating back to an ability to feel good and experience a sense of aliveness and enjoyment. While sexual pleasure isn't the only way to feel alive, it's an important aspect for many people to reclaim. Here are some strategies that may help in your healing journey:

1. Practice self-compassion and patience: Healing isn't linear, and it's okay to have setbacks.

2. Self-exploration and rediscovering touch: Take time to explore what kinds of touch feel good for you, starting in a non-sexual context. Experiment with different textures on various parts of your body. Gradually move to more intimate areas as you feel comfortable. Pay attention to what sensations you enjoy and which ones you don't. This process helps you reconnect with your body and understand your boundaries.

3. Use a pleasure profile worksheet: This tool can be incredibly helpful in exploring your preferences and boundaries. It can guide you through various aspects of sexual pleasure, helping you identify what you're comfortable with and what you'd like to explore further. You can use this worksheet both for self-reflection and as a communication tool with partners.

4. Experiment with self-pleasure: Self-sexual pleasure can be a good way to explore your preferences in a safe environment. Consider using toys or your hands, and always use personal lubricant to enhance comfort and sensation.

5. Mindfulness and body awareness: Practices like meditation or yoga can help you reconnect with your body and physical sensations.

6. Communicate with partners: Open discussions about boundaries, likes, dislikes, and how you'll communicate consent during sex are crucial. Establish safe words or actions to halt sexual activity when needed.

7. Explore non-sexual intimacy: Activities like holding hands, cuddling, or giving each other massages can help build intimacy without the pressure of sexual performance.

8. Manage triggers and flashbacks: Develop a plan for dealing with these before engaging in sexual activity. This might include grounding techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise or box breathing.

9. Practice aftercare: Whether alone or with a partner, engage in comforting activities after sexual experiences, such as cuddling, taking a nap, or having a snack.

10. Seek professional help: A therapist specializing in sexual trauma can provide invaluable support and techniques for healing.

Remember, your sexual boundaries may change over time, and that's okay. You might find that sexual intimacy looks different for you after violence, and that's perfectly normal. Your safety and comfort matter, and you are allowed to advocate for your needs, set boundaries, and move at a pace that feels right for you.

If you encounter challenges or frustrations, approach sexual activity with curiosity and exploration. Notice when feelings of shame, guilt, or frustration arise, without judgment if possible, and try to reframe or ground yourself in the moment.

Healing takes time, but it is possible. Just because something is difficult now doesn't mean it will always be challenging. Be patient with yourself, seek support when needed. You are not alone. Thank you for this question.