When I was younger, I had a couple of experiences with other children that I'm wondering about. In one situation, an older child exposed himself and tried to convince me to do inappropriate things, though I didn't. In another ongoing situation with a child closer to my age, we would find private spots to expose ourselves to each other and there was touching involved. I'm wondering if these experiences might be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

Thank you for reaching out and asking about this. Regarding your first experience, what you described (an older child exposing himself and attempting to coerce you into sexual contact) does align with characteristics of child-on-child sexual abuse. The significant age difference (approximately 6-7 years), the coercive nature of trying to convince you to do something you did not want to do and the inappropriate sexual behavior all suggest this was abusive. The fact that you didn't comply doesn't diminish the inappropriate and harmful nature of what occurred. Your instincts protected you in that moment, and that matters.

The second experience you described is more complex, as many childhood sexual experiences fall into gray areas. When children of similar ages engage in sexual behaviors, it can sometimes be considered normal childhood sexual exploration, particularly when it's mutual, age-appropriate, and not coercive. Your current uncertainty about how you felt and who initiated it, may also indicate this experience was problematic in some ways.

It's important to understand that regardless of the specific labels we might apply to these experiences, your feelings about them are completely valid. Childhood sexual experiences, whether clearly abusive or in gray areas, can impact us in various ways. Some people experience confusion, shame, difficulty with boundaries, or challenges in relationships. Others may have few lasting effects. There's no "right" way to be affected by these experiences.

Your brain was still developing during these experiences, which means your memories may be fragmented or unclear. This is completely normal for childhood trauma. The confusion you feel about these events doesn't reflect any failing on your part--it reflects the complexity of childhood experiences and how our developing minds process them.

If these memories are causing you distress or impacting your life in ways that concern you, speaking with a trauma-informed therapist who specializes in childhood sexual experiences can be incredibly helpful. They can provide you with personalized support and help you process these experiences in a safe environment. Remember that seeking support isn't about determining whether these experiences "count" as abuse, but about caring for yourself and any impact they may have had on your life.

Your experiences matter, your feelings about them are valid, and you deserve support and healing regardless of how these experiences might be categorized. Thank you for trusting us with this.