When I was very young (still in diapers), my older cousin sexually abused me. To my knowledge, she hadn't experienced sexual abuse herself or been exposed to pornography or other factors that might explain this behavior. Can you help me understand why she may have done this and offer guidance on how I might process and move on from this experience?

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. What happened to you was not your fault, and your feelings—whatever they may be—are completely valid.

First, I want to acknowledge the strength it shows that you're seeking to understand this difficult part of your past. The confusion about why your cousin would have done this without having experienced abuse herself is completely understandable. When events like this happen, especially in childhood, it can leave us with deep questions and a yearning to make sense of something that feels senseless.

Even without a history of abuse or exposure to explicit material, children sometimes engage in harmful sexual behaviors for complex reasons. This might stem from curiosity gone wrong, confusion about boundaries, family dynamics with poor privacy norms, inadequate supervision, or exposure to sexualized content in media that adults might not even recognize as problematic. Children don't always comprehend the impact of their actions, especially regarding complex issues like sexuality and consent. This doesn't excuse what happened, but it might help explain how such behavior could occur without a history of prior abuse.

The pain, confusion, and other emotions you're feeling are natural responses to what happened. Many survivors describe feeling waves of different emotions—sadness, anger, shame, numbness—that come and go throughout their healing journey. Please be gentle with yourself through these waves. Your body and mind are processing a difficult experience in the ways they know how.

Finding your path forward isn't about forcing yourself to understand or forgive, but about creating safety and peace within yourself. Working with a trauma-informed therapist can provide a secure space to process these experiences without judgment. These professionals can offer specialized approaches that help your mind and body release the weight of these memories at a pace that feels safe for you.

As you move through this healing process, consider surrounding yourself with supportive people who respect and validate your experiences. Engage in activities that help you feel connected to your body in positive ways, and practice self-compassion when memories or difficult emotions arise. Remember that healing isn't linear—there may be difficult days alongside moments of profound growth and peace.

Your experience is part of your story, but it doesn't define who you are or limit who you can become. Many survivors discover unexpected strengths through their healing journey—deeper empathy, remarkable resilience, and profound wisdom about what truly matters. Your path forward belongs to you alone, and you deserve to walk it surrounded by understanding, patience, and unwavering support. Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone.