When I was 8 years old, my friend introduced me to inappropriate sexual content, including videos of adults kissing and pornography. She asked if we could be "girlfriends," which led to kissing and touching that eventually made me uncomfortable. I told her I wanted to stop, and although she tried to convince me otherwise, I maintained my boundaries and we never did those things again. We're still good friends today, but I wonder if this childhood experience affected me. I struggled with porn use until after high school, and thinking about these memories still makes me uncomfortable. Is what happened a normal childhood experience, or could it have impacted me in ways I should address?

Thank you for sharing this with us. Children are naturally curious about their bodies and relationships, but when one child introduces adult sexual content and behaviors to another, it can create confusion and discomfort. The fact that you felt uncomfortable and set a boundary shows your innate sense of what felt right for you, which was an important act of self-protection.

The discomfort you still feel when thinking about these experiences is meaningful. Our bodies and minds often hold onto memories that involve boundary violations, even when they occur between children who may not fully understand the implications of their actions. Your friend was likely repeating behaviors she had been exposed to, but that doesn't diminish the impact it had on you.

The connection between these early experiences and your later relationship with pornography is worth considering. Early exposure to sexual content can sometimes create patterns in how we relate to sexuality as we grow. Your awareness of this possible connection shows thoughtful reflection.

Experiences like yours can become complicated by feelings of shame, particularly around sexuality. This shame can be intensified when the interactions involved someone of the same gender, as societal messages about sexual orientation can become entangled with memories of boundary violations. It's important to separate the uncomfortable or inappropriate nature of the interactions from any questions about sexual orientation. Many people experience confusion, shame, or uncertainty about their sexuality following early experiences that weren't developmentally appropriate, regardless of the gender of the other person involved. This shame is not something you deserve to carry.

What happened wasn't your fault, and you're not being dramatic by considering its impact. Many adults reflect on childhood experiences and recognize ways they shaped them. Speaking with a trauma-informed therapist could provide a safe space to explore these memories and their potential effects on your life now. They can help you process these experiences, address any shame that may have developed, and develop strategies for any lasting discomfort.

Your ability to maintain a friendship while also acknowledging these complicated feelings shows emotional maturity. Healing doesn't necessarily require cutting ties with this person, but it might involve understanding how this experience influenced your development and finding peace with that understanding. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.