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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
I am so sorry that you experienced this sexual harassment and manipulation at the hands of your father. What he did was completely unacceptable, and it's crucial to understand that none of it was your fault. You were a curious child, and your father took advantage of your trust and vulnerability. His actions were a severe violation of the parent-child relationship, and you have every right to feel hurt, betrayed, and confused.
It's important to prioritize your safety and well-being as you navigate this situation. If you feel comfortable and safe doing so, consider reaching out to a trusted adult, such as a family member, counselor, or therapist, who can provide support and guidance. They can help you process your emotions and explore your options moving forward.
Remember that you have the right to set boundaries with your father and decide what kind of relationship, if any, you want to have with him. You are not obligated to maintain a relationship with someone who has violated your trust and caused you harm, even if they are a family member.
If you feel ready, you may choose to confront your father about his actions and express how his behavior has affected you. However, it's essential to prioritize your emotional safety and have a support system in place if you decide to take this step. A therapist can help you prepare for this conversation and provide strategies for coping with any potential aftermath. Take a look at another of our recent answers for more tips about how to go about doing this if this is something you are considering.
Please know that you are not alone in this experience, and there are resources available to support you. Consider reaching out to organizations that specialize in supporting survivors of sexual abuse, such as RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) or a local sexual assault support center. These organizations can provide confidential support, resources, and guidance as you navigate this difficult situation.
The healing journey is not a linear process, so it's essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself. Seeking professional help, such as therapy, can be incredibly beneficial as you work through the complex emotions and trauma associated with sexual harassment and betrayal. You do not need to go through this all on your own.
Remember, you are strong, resilient, and worthy of love and respect. What happened to you was not your fault, and you have the right to heal and move forward on your own terms. I am so sorry that this happened to you. Thank you for trusting us with your story.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.