When I was 12, my 4-year-old brother would sometimes give family members kisses. Once, after he kissed me, I had an impulse to touch him inappropriately. When he said no, I immediately stopped. My older brother later told him that kissing family members wasn't appropriate. I've never told anyone about my impulse, and I feel intense shame and disgust with myself. Should I talk to someone about this?

Thank you for reaching out and sharing these feelings that have been weighing on you. It is brave to reach out when we think we have done something that could have harmed someone else. Let me help explain what was happening developmentally at age 12 to contextualize your experience and try to provide some support.

Around age 12 is a time of significant change. You are going through puberty, experiencing new and confusing feelings, and still developing your understanding of appropriate boundaries and relationships. During this stage, many young people experience thoughts or impulses they don't fully understand, which can feel scary or shameful.

What's particularly significant in your story is your immediate response when your brother said no - you stopped right away. This demonstrates that even at 12, you had already developed a strong moral compass and understanding of consent. Your current feelings of discomfort about that moment actually reflect your deep commitment to doing what's right.

It's important to understand the difference between having an inappropriate impulse and being an abuser. What defines this situation is not the momentary impulse - which can happen during development - but your response to it. You respected boundaries immediately, showing care for your brother's wellbeing. This, combined with your ongoing concern about the incident, indicates someone who deeply values protecting others.

Your older brother addressing the kissing behavior was also part of normal family dynamics - older siblings often help establish appropriate physical boundaries as younger children learn about personal space and family interactions. This kind of boundary-setting is a healthy part of family development.

The shame you're feeling, while painful, is weighing heavier than it needs to. Speaking with a counselor or mental health professional could help you process these feelings and understand them within the context of normal childhood development. They can provide tools to work through this guilt and help you move forward.

Remember, you were also a child navigating complex emotions and developing understanding of boundaries. Be gentle with yourself as you work through these feelings. Take care, and know that processing these difficult emotions is an important part of growth and healing.