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When I was 10, an older teen (15) who was a friend of my brother engaged in inappropriate online behavior with me. This included requesting and exchanging inappropriate content, and discussing sexual activities, though no physical contact occurred. I'm trying to understand how to categorize this experience and what term might describe what happened to me. How can I process this and seek appropriate support?

Dr. Laura

Answer by Dr. Laura

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience. First, it's crucial to recognize that what happened to you was not your fault. The behavior you described involves inappropriate online interactions and exploitation of a minor. It's important to understand that abuse can occur even without physical contact. Online interactions, especially those of a sexual nature involving minors, can be just as harmful and are considered a form of abuse. What you experienced was not acceptable, regardless of the lack of physical contact.

While I am happy to provide some terms that are often used to describe such situations, it's important to emphasize that only you have the right to label your own experience. Your personal understanding and feelings about what happened are what matter most.

The person who engaged in this behavior, despite being 15 and also a minor, acted in a way that was exploitative and harmful. At 15, they would have had a much greater understanding of sexual matters and the implications of their actions compared to a 10-year-old. This age difference creates a significant imbalance in maturity, knowledge, and power.

Some terms that are often used in similar situations include online sexual abuse, digital sexual exploitation, or online grooming. However, these are just terms, and you shouldn't feel pressured to use any label that doesn't feel right to you. Your experience is unique, and only you can decide how to describe or categorize it.

What matters most is how this has affected you and that you receive appropriate support. I strongly encourage you to speak with a trusted adult about this experience, such as a parent, school counselor, or therapist. They can provide you with the support you need and help you access appropriate resources. There are also helplines and online services specifically for young people who have had difficult online experiences.

Remember, your feelings about this experience are valid, regardless of what label you choose to use or not use. It's okay to seek help in processing what happened. Healing is possible, and there are professionals trained to support you through this process. Thank you for reaching out to us. You are not alone. 

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