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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Thank you for sharing your experience with such honesty. I feel the exhaustion and frustration in your words, and I want to acknowledge how deeply challenging it is to keep working at healing when progress feels small despite your significant efforts. Many survivors reach this point of feeling worn down by the constant work of recovery, especially when they've done everything "right" - therapy, self-care, support groups - and still find themselves struggling.
Let's talk about why healing can feel this way. Think of trauma's impact like learning to walk again after an injury - even with the best physical therapy and support, progress often comes in tiny increments that are hard to notice day by day. Each step of practice slowly rebuilds strength and confidence, even when it doesn't feel dramatic in the moment. Similarly, each effort you make in therapy, each act of self-care, each time you share in your support group, creates subtle but meaningful changes in how your brain and body process your experiences. These changes might feel frustratingly small right now, but they gradually accumulate to create new patterns in your life.
The exhaustion you're feeling about having to "deal with the impact of someone else's actions" speaks to a particularly painful aspect of trauma recovery. It can feel deeply unfair that you're the one who has to put in all this work because of what someone else did. This frustration is completely valid - you didn't choose this burden, yet you're the one who has to carry it. It's important to acknowledge this unfairness while also recognizing that your efforts to heal, despite this injustice, show remarkable strength.
Healing often doesn't look the way we expect it to. Progress isn't always about feeling dramatically better; sometimes it's about noticing subtle shifts - like recovering more quickly from difficult moments, or having slightly more peaceful days than before. These small changes, though they might feel insignificant, are actually signs of your nervous system learning new patterns of response.
When traditional approaches like therapy and support groups feel insufficient, it might help to explore additional or alternative healing modalities. Some survivors find benefit in approaches like:
It's also worth considering that healing isn't just about the techniques we use - it's about finding sustainable ways to live alongside our experiences while gradually reducing their impact on our daily lives. This means understanding that healing isn't linear - some days will be better than others, and that's normal. The goal isn't to never struggle, but to build more and more moments of peace and connection. It also means redefining progress to include small victories - like setting a boundary, practicing self-compassion, or simply making it through a difficult day. These moments matter, even if they don't feel monumental. Creating space in your life for experiences beyond trauma recovery can also be helpful - ensuring you have room for joy, connection, and growth in other areas while still honoring your healing journey.
I encourage you to share these feelings with your therapist or support group. Sometimes adjusting therapeutic approaches or finding new ways to engage with healing can help when progress feels stalled. You might also consider connecting with others who understand this particular point in the healing journey - feeling tired but still committed to moving forward.
Feeling exhausted by this process doesn't mean you're failing at recovery - it means you've been working incredibly hard. Your frustration is valid, and you deserve support in finding ways to make this journey feel less overwhelming and more manageable. We appreciate you reaching out to us. You are not alone
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.