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Is it harmful for a teenager (14) to show kids younger than them porn as a joke or is that considered child-on-child-sexual abuse (COCSA)? And what if they immediately regret doing so afterwards?
Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Exposing children to pornography is harmful and inappropriate, regardless of the age of the person showing it or their intentions. Even if done as a "joke," it can have serious negative impacts on children's development, understanding of relationships and sexuality, and mental wellbeing.
However, situations involving young teenagers require nuanced understanding...
A 14-year-old showing pornography to younger children, while very serious, differs from an adult doing so. Teenagers are still developing judgment and impulse control. They may not fully grasp the impact of their actions or appropriate boundaries, especially regarding sexual content.
This doesn't excuse the behavior, but it's important to recognize that a 14-year-old is also a child needing guidance, education, and support. The focus should be on understanding why it happened, preventing recurrence, and ensuring all involved receive appropriate help.
If you did this as a 14-year-old...recognizing your past action was wrong shows growth. It's normal to feel regret or anxiety. Remember you were young and still learning about boundaries. While harmful, this action doesn't define you. Consider speaking with a counselor or trusted adult to process these feelings and learn about healthy boundaries and consent.
If you were the younger child exposed to this content...I'm sorry this happened to you. It wasn't your fault, regardless of the other person's age. Your feelings are valid. Please talk to a trusted adult, school counselor, or therapist for support. They can help you process this experience in a safe environment. You're not alone, and help is available.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.