I'm trying to understand a recovered memory from when I was 9. I was close to my 15-year-old female cousin, and we often played together. One day she introduced a game involving pretending pillows were our 'boyfriends.' What started as innocent play evolved into her demonstrating and encouraging inappropriate behavior with the pillows, including kissing and mimicking intimate acts she referenced from nature shows I watched. While she never touched me directly and I saw it as a game at the time, I'm now struggling to process this experience. Being older now, I recognize how inappropriate it was for a teenager to introduce these themes to a child. I'm unsure how to categorize this experience.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It takes courage to reflect on memories from childhood, especially when they feel confusing or unsettling. What you're describing—a significant age difference between you and your cousin, and her introducing you to sexualized games—is understandably causing you to question whether this was appropriate behavior.

At age 9, you were at a stage where imaginative play is a normal part of development. Your cousin, being 15, was in her teenage years with a more advanced understanding of sexuality and relationships. While it's not uncommon for children to engage in play that explores relationships, when an older child or teenager involves a much younger child in sexualized activities or conversations, it can cross appropriate boundaries. However, teenagers can sometimes engage in inappropriate behavior without fully understanding the impact or implications of their actions.

Even though your cousin didn't physically touch you, encouraging you to engage in sexualized play and introducing you to more mature concepts was not appropriate. The fact that she was guiding you in these activities suggests a dynamic where she held more knowledge and influence, which can make the situation feel uncomfortable when looking back on it now.

It's natural to reassess past experiences as you grow older and gain new perspectives. Now that you are older, it's understandable that you find it concerning and recognize that you wouldn't engage in similar behavior with a younger child. This reflection highlights your awareness of appropriate boundaries and the importance of protecting them.

Remember, as a 9-year-old child, you trusted your cousin and were simply participating in what you thought was a game. You were not at fault. Your feelings now are valid, and it's okay to feel uncertain about how to label this experience. For some, labels are helpful. For others, not so much.

If these memories are causing you discomfort or confusion, it might be helpful to talk to a trusted adult or a professional counselor who can provide support and help you process your feelings. They can offer guidance and help you understand the situation better in a safe and understanding environment.

You're not alone in feeling this way, and reaching out is a positive step toward finding clarity and peace. Thank you again for sharing your story with us. We appreciate your trust.