I'm remembering more about a childhood event and wondering if it could be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). A boy younger than me asked me to play a game in a closet. I felt uncomfortable and didn't want to, but he kept asking until I agreed. He wanted us to rub our stomachs and private parts together. I remember feeling scared and uncomfortable and not wanting to participate, but he kept asking. I can't remember anything else. I'm confused about whether this was just childhood curiosity or if it could be considered COCSA, and it's hard for me to think about.

What you're describing sounds incredibly confusing and difficult to process, and your feelings about this memory are completely valid. It's completely understandable that you feel confused and unsure when you look back on that childhood memory. Many people struggle with the question of whether an interaction with another child was just innocent curiosity or if it crossed a line into something more harmful, and it takes courage to explore these memories, especially when they bring up uncomfortable emotions.

Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) can occur regardless of the age difference between children, and it's distinguished from typical childhood sexual exploration by several key factors. Children do explore, but they also have a responsibility to listen when someone is uncomfortable. Healthy childhood curiosity is usually mutual, brief, age-appropriate, and stops when one child says no or shows discomfort. What you're describing includes elements that seem to move beyond typical exploration -- particularly the persistence after you expressed discomfort, the fear you felt, and the fact that the activities continued despite your clear reluctance. The pressure you felt despite your unwillingness can mean a boundary was crossed.

Even if the other child was younger than you, it's significant that you felt scared and did not really want to participate but were persuaded into it anyway. Child-on-child sexual abuse does not necessarily depend on the ages of the children involved, as children can engage in harmful sexual behaviors for various reasons including their own exposure to inappropriate content or experiences. What matters most is whether someone's boundaries were ignored, if there was any force or pressure, and whether the experience left you feeling uncomfortable or distressed. It sounds like you were uneasy and felt compelled to go along, which may explain why it remains such a troubling memory.

The feelings you experienced are important signals that this interaction crossed boundaries for you. Your body and mind recognized that something didn't feel right, even as a child. The fact that he "kept asking" after you showed resistance suggests he wasn't respecting your comfort level or boundaries. Rubbing private body parts together under repeated pressure is certainly more concerning than the sort of mutual, playful exploration some kids might engage in when they are equally curious and stop the moment anyone feels uneasy.

You are not overreacting by feeling confused or unsettled about it. Your confusion about this experience is completely understandable, and many survivors of childhood sexual experiences, including COCSA, struggle with questions about whether what happened "counts" or was "serious enough." It can help to acknowledge these feelings rather than dismiss them. Sometimes just naming your discomfort can be the first step in feeling more at ease with your own emotions. You didn't do anything wrong by feeling frightened, and the fact that he was younger doesn't erase the sense of violation you experienced. The impact an experience has on you matters more than how others might categorize it.

If this memory is causing you distress and affecting your well-being, then it deserves attention and care, regardless of labels. If these thoughts continue to trouble you, you might consider confiding in someone you trust or seeking out a professional who understands childhood boundary violations. Many people find it helpful to work with a trauma-informed therapist who specializes in childhood experiences and can help you navigate these memories and feelings in a safe space. You deserve support from people who can offer understanding, validation, and kindness. Healing can take time, and it's okay to want clarity about confusing childhood events. You're not alone in this, and your feelings are important.