I'm not sure what to think about my experience with my older sister. When my sister "Sam" and I were younger, our older sister (3 years older than Sam, 5 years older than me) would hit us, demean us, call us names, yell about our clothing choices, and intervene in my dad's parenting. She gave me almost no privacy, especially when I started dating. What's bothering me most is that she would regularly smack our behinds, even after we asked her to stop, and would make inappropriate comments about our bodies like "you have a ghetto booty" or tell Sam "there's nothing there." This went on for years. In one fight, she said something disturbing: "you hated me since you were a baby, you would cry every time I stood next to your crib." That comment bothers me deeply now that I realize angry people aren't always right. I don't want her around my partner's kids or even around me. She's less angry now but only recently stopped making "jokes" at my expense after I finally set boundaries. I don't know what to do with this person or how to process these experiences. Did she cross a line?

Thank you for reaching out to us. What you've described sounds like a mixture of inappropriate touching, boundary violations, and verbal humiliation that occurred repeatedly over years despite your clear requests to stop. These behaviors, including unwanted sexual touching and comments about your body, can absolutely be understood as sexual harassment. Your discomfort around her now - that instinct to protect yourself and others from her - is valid and worth honoring.

The impact of sibling harm is often minimized in our society, but research shows it can be just as harmful as other forms of abuse. Many survivors struggle with feelings of confusion because the relationship contains both normal sibling dynamics and inappropriate behaviors, making it difficult to categorize or process. The physical hitting, demeaning comments, and constant criticism you experienced are forms of emotional and physical abuse that compound the sexual boundary violations.

Your instinct to set boundaries is healthy and important. You have every right to limit or end contact with someone who has harmed you, regardless of family ties. Your priority is your wellbeing and safety - and that includes emotional safety. Protecting your partner's children from someone you don't trust is a responsible choice, not an overreaction.

Navigating relationships with family members who have caused harm can be incredibly challenging. Moving forward, you might find it helpful to work with a trauma-informed therapist who understands family abuse dynamics, or to talk with someone you trust about how you're feeling. They can help you process these experiences and reinforce the boundaries you've already begun to establish.

Remember that healing isn't linear, and recognizing these experiences as problematic is an important step you've already taken. Trust your instincts and honor what would make you most comfortable - whether that means limited contact, no contact, or another arrangement entirely. Your feelings and needs matter. You deserve to feel safe and respected in all your relationships. Thank you for reaching out to us. You are not alone.