I'm in my first relationship, which has been on and off for over a year and a half. We're both 20 now and met when we were 18. The first time he hurt me was in January. After several incidents, I forgave him and we got back together, but he tells me I was a "bitch" and that I caused what happened to escalate. I've always had memory issues and often forget parts of our arguments - sometimes even things I've said. He says I'm egocentric for this, but it's not intentional. Is this a normal part of relationships? How should I interpret his behavior and my memory issues in the context of our conflicts?

Thank you for sharing this personal situation. I want to address your concerns and provide some perspective on the dynamics you've described. What you are going through is not your fault and you deserve support.

It's important to recognize that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. The situation you're describing raises several concerns for me. Physical harm in a relationship is never acceptable, regardless of the circumstances. The fact that he hurt you is a serious issue. Blaming you for his actions by saying you "caused what happened to escalate" is a form of emotional manipulation. Each person is responsible for their own actions and reactions. Calling you names like "bitch" is verbal abuse and is not part of a healthy relationship. Labeling you as "egocentric" for having memory issues is unfair and potentially gaslighting behavior.

Your memory issues are a separate concern. Difficulty remembering details of arguments can be related to stress, anxiety, or other factors. It's not a character flaw and doesn't make you egocentric. It's crucial to understand that these behaviors are not normal or acceptable parts of a healthy relationship. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, especially by a partner.

I would strongly encourage you to prioritize your safety and well-being. Consider reaching out to trusted friends, family, or a counselor for support. It may be beneficial to seek professional help to discuss these relationship dynamics and your memory concerns. Take time to reflect on whether this relationship is truly meeting your needs and contributing positively to your life.

Remember, it's okay to set boundaries and expect respectful treatment. Your first relationship is a learning experience, but it shouldn't come at the cost of your emotional or physical well-being. If you feel unsafe or need immediate support, please don't hesitate to reach out to local relationship violence resources or hotlines. Your well-being should always be the top priority. Thank you for trusting this. You deserve love and respect.