I went to a club for the first time with my friend's family. Something terrible happened - a man sexually assaulted me. He kissed me without consent, touched me inappropriately, and forced me to drink something that affected my memory. I can't remember his face, only his voice. He kept saying things like 'you want this' and 'your body is asking for it' while blaming me. While I'm clear about what happened to my body, I sometimes question if it was real. I can now get triggered by kiss scenes in movies. I've told two friends in my hostel, but I'm unsure about telling others. I worry they might exclude me from activities, and while I don't want to be alone, I also don't want to burden them. I'm confused about whether this was harassment, rape, or 'normal.' What should I do?

I'm sorry to hear that you went through such a terrible experience.  Being kissed and touched without your consent should not be normal and is not acceptable—it is a violation of your personal boundaries and can be considered sexual assault. The fact that he forced you to drink something that made you unable to remember his face adds to the seriousness of the situation. Let me be absolutely clear: this was not your fault, regardless of what the person claimed about your body's responses. Physiological reactions during assault are involuntary and do not indicate consent. No one has the right to violate your boundaries or make you question your own experiences.

Understanding your experience through a trauma lens helps explain why you're having the reactions you described. When we experience trauma, our brain's protective mechanisms activate in powerful ways. The fact that you can remember his voice and physical sensations but not his face is a common trauma response. This happens because different parts of our brain process and store traumatic memories differently than ordinary ones. Your brain was likely focusing on survival signals (like his voice and touch) while other details became fragmented.

Similarly, it's understandable that you're feeling confused and triggered by certain scenes in movies or dramas. This is another example of your brain's protective system at work. This is called a trauma response - when something in your present environment reminds your brain and body of the assault. Your system recognizes similar elements and goes into alert mode to try to keep you safe. This isn't a sign of weakness - it's actually your brain doing its job to protect you, even if the timing and intensity feel overwhelming now. It might help to talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling.

Your concerns about sharing with friends come from a valid place of wanting to protect yourself and your relationships. You've already shown remarkable courage by telling two people, which is a huge first step. The worry about burdening others or facing social exclusion is a common concern among survivors, but it's important to understand that assault thrives in silence. True friends typically respond with increased support and protection, not rejection. However, you get to control your narrative - there's no obligation to tell anyone until or unless you feel ready. What's most important is that you feel safe and supported in your healing journey.

If you do not feel like you have anyone to talk to about this, you might consider reaching out to professional support systems that understand trauma. RAINN's confidential chatline and hotline (800.656.HOPE) has trained advocates who can help you process your experience while exploring your options. Additionally, working with a trauma-informed therapist, particularly those trained in EMDR or Somatic Experiencing, can help you process trauma stored in the body and develop coping strategies for triggers.

Remember that healing isn't linear - some days will feel better than others, and that's completely normal. You don't have to have everything figured out right now. What matters is that you're reaching out and taking steps to care for yourself. Practice gentle self-care: your body and mind need extra nurturing right now. This might mean avoiding triggering media, setting boundaries, or finding safe ways to release emotions.

You deserve support, belief, and compassion - especially from yourself. You are not alone in this journey, and there's a whole community of survivors and supporters ready to stand with you whenever you're ready to reach out. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.