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I recently experienced a traumatic sexual encounter that I didn't consent to, despite expressing that I wasn't ready. It's left me struggling with anxiety, depression, and severe insomnia for the past 5 days. I'm feeling guilty, angry at myself, and experiencing physical symptoms like dehydration, migraine, and pain. I've even had thoughts of harming myself. How can I cope with these intense emotions and physical symptoms?

Dr. Laura

Answer by Dr. Laura

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

I want to start by saying that I hear you, and I believe you. What you've experienced is deeply traumatic, and it's important to understand that your feelings and reactions are valid and normal responses to an abnormal and distressing situation. It's crucial to emphasize that what happened was not your fault. You expressed that you weren't ready, and your boundaries were violated. You bear no responsibility for the actions of the person who hurt you.

The anxiety, depression, insomnia, and physical symptoms you're experiencing are common reactions to trauma. Your body and mind are trying to process a deeply distressing event, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed. The guilt and anger you feel towards yourself are also common, but please remember that these feelings, while real, don't reflect the reality of the situation. You did nothing wrong.

Your safety and well-being are the most important priorities right now. If you're having thoughts of harming yourself, I urge you to reach out to a crisis hotline or emergency services immediately. Your life has value, and there are people ready to support you through this difficult time.

It's important to take care of your physical health as well. Seeing a healthcare provider for a check-up is a good step. They can address any physical concerns and discuss options for your overall health and well-being. Remember, you're in control of this process and can ask for a trusted person to accompany you if that would make you feel more comfortable.

Consider reaching out to a sexual assault helpline or counseling service. These organizations have trained professionals who can provide emotional support, guide you through your options, and connect you with local resources. They understand the complexity of trauma and can offer strategies to help you cope with the intense emotions and physical symptoms you're experiencing.

Healing from trauma takes time, and it's a process that looks different for everyone. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Focus on basic self-care: stay hydrated, try to eat regular meals, and rest when you can. Simple relaxation techniques like deep breathing might help with anxiety and sleep issues.

Remember, your dreams for your future are still valid and achievable. This traumatic experience does not define you. With time and proper support, it is possible to heal and move forward. You don't have to go through this alone, and reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are people and resources available to support you on your journey of healing. Thank you for reaching out to us. You can do this and you have a community of survivors behind you supporting you.

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Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1. Where am I?

2. What day of the week is today?

3. What is today’s date?

4. What is the current month?

5. What is the current year?

6. How old am I?

7. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.