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I recently escaped my attacker but learned I need spinal surgery due to the repeated attacks. I'm struggling to survive, feeling alone, ignored, and hopeless. My life has changed dramatically and I desperately need support and help. Where can I turn?

Dr. Laura

Answer by Dr. Laura

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

I really appreciate you reaching out to us for support. I hear your pain and I want you to know that your call for help has been heard. You've already shown incredible strength by escaping your attacker, and you deserve immediate, concrete support for everything you're going through.

You should not have to face this situation alone. Your physical injuries and the emotional trauma you're experiencing require and deserve professional support. While I know you're feeling ignored and helpless right now, there are people and organizations specifically dedicated to helping survivors in situations like yours.

I strongly encourage you to reach out for immediate support through one of these confidential resources. The National Sexual Assault Hotline (800-656-HOPE) and the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE) are both available 24/7 and are staffed by trained advocates who care and want to help. If you prefer not to speak on the phone, you can text "START" to 88788 for the domestic violence hotline, or visit RAINN.org to chat online with a sexual assault advocate. These services can connect you with local organizations that provide free counseling, medical advocacy for your surgery and recovery, emergency financial assistance, housing support, legal resources, and ongoing emotional support. Many local organizations have advocates who can accompany you to medical appointments and help you navigate the healthcare system.

Your life has value, and your cry for help matters. The isolation and hopelessness you're feeling are real and valid, but you don't have to carry this burden alone. Reaching out, as you've done here, is a brave first step. Now, please take one more step and contact one of these services. They won't judge you or pressure you - they're simply there to listen and help you explore your options. There are people ready to help you right now.

Thank you for trusting us with this. You deserve so much more than what you've experienced. You are not alone.

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1. Where am I?

2. What day of the week is today?

3. What is today’s date?

4. What is the current month?

5. What is the current year?

6. How old am I?

7. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.