I need help processing something really difficult. At a party, I was extremely drunk, while this other girl was totally sober and experienced with drinking. We'd talked earlier when I was sober, nothing happened then. Later when I was drunk, we were on a couch and I asked if I could kiss her neck. She adjusted herself saying she was uncomfortable, but then said it wasn't me, just the people around us. She took me somewhere private where we kissed and I asked if she was okay with me touching her waist. She said yes, but then said she didn't want anything romantic/sexual. I respected that and stopped, but then she leaned in to kiss me again saying "let's do that one more time." She and her friend helped me to bed after. I tried talking to her about it later but she avoided it. I confided in someone I was dating, who spread a twisted version of the story making it seemed like she harassed me. Then the girl accused me of harassing her and said I pressured her while crying and begging - but I know that never happened. She spread rumors that I was a lesbian and she and my ex even made Facebook posts calling me a harasser. I got a lawyer since I had witnesses who saw what really happened. She said she wanted to talk it out but never did. Even though I was the drunk one who kept asking for consent, I'm still haunted by her accusations. I keep questioning myself - did I do something wrong?

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience. It sounds like you've been through a very confusing and emotionally draining situation, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and uncertain about what happened. This is a really difficult situation, especially when memory can be tricky due to alcohol consumption.

Sexual experiences between women can be particularly complex due to societal stigmas and lack of open discussion about consent and intimacy in these contexts. This can make it harder to process these experiences or find support, as there may be additional layers of shame or confusion that wouldn't necessarily be present in other encounters.

From what you've described, it seems that you were mindful of asking for consent during your interactions with this person, even while you were intoxicated. You respected her boundaries when she expressed discomfort, and you tried to communicate openly. The fact that you're reflecting on your actions and concerned about the possibility of having done something wrong shows a lot of self-awareness and care for others.

It's important to remember that alcohol can affect people's perceptions and memories of events. Both you and the other person might have different recollections of that night, which can lead to misunderstandings. It seems the situation became more complicated when others became involved and stories were shared without your consent. This can be incredibly hurtful and can amplify feelings of confusion and distress.

The aftermath - where your experience was shared without your consent and used against you - reflects how intimate experiences between women can be particularly vulnerable to manipulation and misrepresentation in our society. Having these private experiences exposed and used to harm you can be a form of violence itself, especially when extended to interfering with your later relationships. The fact that both she and your ex made public accusations on social media, despite witnesses who could verify your account, adds another layer of trauma to this already difficult situation.

Feeling haunted by accusations and questioning yourself is a natural response in such circumstances. It's not uncommon to replay events in your mind and wonder if you could have done something differently. However, based on what you've shared, it appears you took steps to ensure the other person's comfort and respected her wishes when she communicated them.

It might be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or a mental health professional about how you're feeling. They can provide support and guidance as you navigate these complex emotions. Processing such experiences with someone trained to help can often bring clarity and peace of mind.

Remember to be gentle with yourself. You're dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil, and it's okay to seek help. You deserve support and understanding as you work through this difficult time. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.