I experienced inappropriate touching from a same-sex friend when we were both around 11-13 years old. It started innocently but progressed to her touching my breasts and more. I tried to stop it by sleeping with a bra on or pretending to be asleep, but this never deterred her. I later learned she pulled down my pants while I was sleeping, making me wonder what else might have happened. After we stopped being friends, memories began resurfacing. I now understand I engaged in inappropriate behavior with my younger sister on a few occasions when I was around 12-13. I let her touch my breasts and engaged in other inappropriate physical contact. I feel tremendous shame and guilt. Although my sister now has her own family, I worry I've caused lasting harm. Is what I experienced with my friend connected to my behavior? Should I seek therapy? I don't feel deserving of a good life after what I did.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes tremendous courage to reflect on and talk about experiences from childhood, especially when they've been weighing on you for some time.

What you experienced with your friend involved several concerning aspects that were problematic. The interaction that began innocently progressed to unwanted touching of intimate parts of your body without your consent. Despite your attempts to establish boundaries by sleeping with a bra on or pretending to be asleep, she continued and even escalated the behavior when you were most vulnerable. Only you can determine how to label these experiences in a way that feels right for you. Many children experience confusing situations with peers during development, and these experiences exist on a spectrum. What's most important is how these events affected you and how you make sense of them now.

Regarding your question about connection - yes, there is often a relationship between experiencing boundary violations and later boundary-crossing behaviors, especially in children. This pattern is sometimes called "traumatic reenactment" in developmental psychology. Children who experience confusing or inappropriate touch may sometimes repeat similar behaviors as they process what happened to them. This context doesn't minimize what happened, but it helps explain that children often don't fully understand the implications of their actions.

The shame and guilt you're experiencing are natural responses, but they can become obstacles to healing if left unaddressed. Your concern about how your actions may have affected your sister shows empathy and moral awareness that wasn't fully formed when you were younger. It's important to remember that people are resilient, and your sister has built her own life with her children.

Therapy would be tremendously beneficial for processing these experiences. A trauma-informed therapist or other mental health professional can help you understand what happened within a developmental context, work through feelings of shame, and develop self-compassion. Everyone deserves support in healing from difficult experiences, including you. Your past behaviors as a child who was also experiencing boundary violations do not define your worth or your right to healing.

Feeling undeserving of a good life is a heavy burden to carry. Holding onto guilt and shame prevents healing and growth. If you're concerned about your sister, a mental health professional can also help you think through whether and how to address this with her, should you choose to do so. The fact that you're reflecting on these experiences with such concern and awareness is already an important step toward healing.

Remember, acknowledging past mistakes and taking steps to address them is a sign of strength and maturity. You are not defined by these moments from your past. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this journey.