I believe I experienced COCSA (child-on-child sexual abuse) by my sister when I was around 5-6 years old. My memories aren't very clear, but I've recently started remembering some of it. For almost two years now, I've been feeling worthless and having thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore. I tell myself I'm stupid, that I'm overthinking the abuse and it wasn't serious, that I'm just seeking attention. Could these feelings be connected to the abuse? I struggled to admit it was COCSA. Do I actually need to see a therapist, or am I being dramatic? Could it just be hormones or academic stress? I've found myself in moments where I consider harmful behaviors before stopping myself. I worry I'm going crazy. I've noticed people who see therapists have experienced serious crises or lost someone, which makes me question if my situation warrants therapy. Even when I do well in my studies, these negative thoughts persist. What should I do?

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. I want to start by saying how brave you are for reaching out and sharing something so personal and painful. What you're experiencing is incredibly difficult.

When memories of childhood trauma begin to surface, it can feel overwhelming and frightening. Please know that this delayed remembering is actually your mind's way of protecting you until you're ready to process what happened. You're not "going crazy" or "being dramatic" - your mind and heart are simply trying to heal in their own time. The confusion and uncertainty you feel about your memories is completely normal and part of the journey many survivors experience.

Those painful thoughts telling you that you're worthless or that your experiences "weren't serious enough" are common protective responses to trauma. Your mind may be trying to minimize what happened as a way of coping, but please hear this: your pain is real and valid. You don't need to question whether what you experienced "counts" as trauma - if it's affecting you, it matters. You deserve compassion, not judgment, especially from yourself.

The difficult feelings you're having - moments where you consider harmful behaviors, feelings of worthlessness, the emotional struggles that persist even when you're doing well academically - these are all signs that your heart is asking for gentler care, not evidence that you're overreacting or seeking attention.

Reaching out for professional support isn't just for people in crisis - it's for anyone whose heart is hurting. A trauma-informed therapist can offer you a safe space to explore these feelings without judgment, helping you find your way through this difficult time with support and understanding. You absolutely deserve this kind of care.

Please remember that healing isn't linear, and wherever you are in your journey is exactly where you need to be right now. You've already shown incredible strength by acknowledging what happened and seeking help. That takes tremendous courage.

You are so much more than what happened to you. Your feelings are valid, your experiences matter, and most importantly, you matter. There is hope and healing ahead, and you don't have to walk this path alone. Please reach out to mental health support if you feel you need it. You deserve it. Thank you for trusting us with this.