I am a 25-year-old man dealing with significant regret. As a very young child, I was sexually abused by a neighbor multiple times. Later, from approximately 7th to 12th grade, I engaged in sexual activities with my younger sibling who is about 4 years younger than me. These interactions felt consensual at the time. During this period, I also inappropriately touched my mother once, though she didn't notice. I didn't feel regret about these behaviors until around 2020, when I began experiencing strong anxiety and remorse. I worry that I harmed my brother's mental health, though he appears happy in our relationship now. I also feel intense guilt about the incident with my mother. How should I address these feelings of regret and anxiety about my past behaviors?

Thank you for sharing your experiences with such honesty. It takes immense courage to open up about these deeply personal experiences, and I want you to know that you're not alone. Childhood sexual abuse can profoundly impact development, and many survivors struggle with complex feelings about their own behaviors that emerged afterward.

The regret you're feeling now actually represents an important sign of growth and healing—you've developed a deeper understanding of boundaries and consent that you didn't have access to as a child. What happened to you as a child with your neighbor was not your fault. Experiencing sexual abuse at a young age can be incredibly confusing and can significantly impact how we understand relationships and boundaries.

It's extremely common for children who have experienced sexual abuse to engage in sexual behaviors with others, including siblings. This is called sexually reactive behavior and is a recognized response to trauma, not a reflection of your character or intentions. Children who have been abused often recreate what happened to them because they're trying to make sense of their experiences through the limited understanding they had at that age.

The guilt you're carrying is heavy, but it's important to recognize that you were also a child who had been harmed. This doesn't excuse harmful behaviors, but context matters in understanding and healing from them. Your current feelings of regret show your development of empathy and awareness that wasn't available to you then.

Moving forward, finding a therapist who specializes in trauma and sexual abuse recovery would be tremendously beneficial. They can provide a safe, confidential space for you to explore these feelings and help you work through the regret and anxiety you're experiencing. Many survivors find that trauma-focused therapies like EMDR or CPT can be particularly effective in processing these complex experiences and emotions.

You might also consider whether, when appropriate, a facilitated conversation with your brother could be healing, though this should be approached carefully and with professional guidance. Your brother's apparent happiness in your current relationship suggests he may have processed these experiences differently than you have, but a therapist can help you navigate whether and how to address the past.

Self-compassion is vital in this journey. Recognizing that the child you were deserves understanding, not just judgment, is part of healing. This doesn't mean avoiding responsibility, but rather holding the complexity of being both someone who was harmed and someone who engaged in harmful behavior while still developing.

Remember that healing isn't linear, and addressing these painful memories is courageous work. You don't have to navigate this alone, and reaching out for support is itself a sign of strength. There are people who can help you find clarity and peace as you work through these difficult feelings. Thank you for trusting us with this.