Question

How do you cope with feeling that life is unfair, especially after trauma? I've started therapy but don't feel understood. How can I deal with these feelings of injustice while trying to heal?

Answer

Thank you for reaching out to us with your feelings and frustrations. The sense of injustice after trauma can feel overwhelming, and it's particularly hard when the very support system meant to help you heal doesn't feel like the right fit.

Feeling that life is unfair after trauma is a natural and valid response. You've experienced something that shouldn't have happened, and there's a profound unfairness in having to carry the weight of someone else's actions. It's okay to feel angry, hurt, or frustrated about this. These feelings aren't a failure of healing - they're a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.

The challenge of feeling misunderstood in therapy adds another layer of difficulty. When we finally take the step to seek help, it can feel especially discouraging when that help doesn't resonate with our experience. Consider communicating openly with your therapist about feeling misunderstood - they can't address concerns they don't know about. However, if after sharing these feelings you still don't feel understood, it's okay to seek a different therapist who specializes in trauma and better fits your needs.

While we can't change the unfairness of what happened, there are ways to move forward while honoring these feelings. Many survivors find healing in channeling their sense of injustice into meaningful activities, whether through creative expression, advocacy, or helping others. Engaging in activities that bring you joy, practicing mindfulness, or connecting with supportive people can help balance these difficult emotions. Writing in a journal can help process thoughts and identify patterns or triggers, helping you understand the root of these feelings of unfairness.

Remember to practice self-compassion during this process. Set realistic expectations for healing and acknowledge even small steps forward. Focus on what you can control while recognizing that it's okay to feel angry about what you can't. Consider exploring relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing exercises to help manage overwhelming emotions when they arise.

Wrestling with the unfairness of trauma while trying to heal isn't a contradiction - it's part of the process. You don't have to pretend everything is okay or that you've made peace with what happened. Healing can happen alongside feelings of anger and injustice. Your feelings about life's unfairness are valid, and you deserve support that truly understands and validates your experience. Don't give up on finding the right help for you, and remember that seeking support shows remarkable strength and courage.

Remember that even when life feels deeply unfair, you can still find moments of peace and joy without invalidating your experience of injustice. Your resilience in facing these challenges while continuing to seek understanding and support shows incredible strength. Stick with it and know that healing is possible. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.