From ages 7 to 12, my younger sisters sexually assaulted me. I've also experienced what might be psychosis since age 6, though I can't confirm this professionally. I'm certain about the sexual assault, but I'm unsure how much of my memories are real versus delusions. My parents dismissed my experiences, saying "it's not real" or "it doesn't matter because they're younger and you don't have a right to feel violated." There was also significant non-sexual trauma. Is there a way to make sense of my childhood without therapy or medication, since I lack financial resources? I still live with my parents who provide financial support, and they wouldn't approve of me seeking therapy.

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. It takes a great deal of courage to talk about what you've been through, especially when you haven't had the support you deserve. I'm sorry to hear that you're facing these challenges, and you have every right to feel the way you do.

What you experienced was real and significant, and your feelings about it are completely valid. When parents dismiss or minimize a child's experiences of harm, it creates additional layers of trauma that can be profoundly confusing and painful. Your right to feel safe and respected in your body exists regardless of the age of the person who violated those boundaries, and regardless of family dynamics or what others have told you.

The uncertainty you're experiencing about what memories are "real" is actually quite common among trauma survivors, especially when the trauma occurred during childhood and when trusted adults dismissed or denied your experiences. This kind of doubt often develops as a protective mechanism when our reality is repeatedly questioned or invalidated by others. The confusion between potential psychosis symptoms and trauma memories can feel overwhelming, but both experiences deserve acknowledgment and care.

Regarding the experiences you're describing as potentially psychotic, it's important to know that trauma, especially childhood trauma, can sometimes manifest in ways that might seem similar to psychosis symptoms. Dissociation, flashbacks, hypervigilance, and other trauma responses can sometimes be confusing to distinguish from other mental health experiences. What you're experiencing—whether it's trauma-related symptoms, psychosis, or a combination—deserves professional attention when possible. While you may not have immediate access to comprehensive mental health care, these experiences, especially if they've been present since age 6, suggest that professional support could be particularly important for your wellbeing and safety.

Making sense of your childhood experiences can be difficult, but there are ways to begin processing your feelings even without access to therapy or medication. Journaling can be a powerful way to explore and understand your feelings. Writing down your thoughts and emotions doesn't need to follow any structure, just let your thoughts flow onto the page. This can help you identify patterns and gain insights into how your past affects you now. Creative expression through activities like drawing, painting, writing poetry, or playing music can provide an outlet for emotions that are hard to express verbally and may help you process complex feelings.

Educating yourself through trauma-informed self-help books from your library can provide frameworks for understanding how childhood trauma affects the mind and body. Online resources from organizations like RAINN, the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, or the American Psychologial Association offer free information and articles about trauma recovery. Reading about how others who have faced similar experiences coped and healed might provide comfort and strategies you can relate to. Knowing you're not alone can make a significant difference.

Online support communities and forums can offer a sense of community and connection with others who have gone through similar situations, providing understanding and validation. Be sure to choose safe, moderated, professional platforms where you feel comfortable sharing. Mindfulness and relaxation techniques like deep breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga can help manage stress and increase self-awareness, providing moments of calm when emotions feel overwhelming. Regular physical activity, even something as simple as walking, can have a positive impact on your mood and overall well-being while helping reduce stress.

Creating safety and stability in your current environment is crucial. If possible, create personal boundaries that make you feel safer and more in control, This might involve finding private time for yourself or engaging in activities that your family isn't involved in. Consider thinking about steps you might take toward independence when the time is right, as having goals can provide hope and something positive to work toward.

Free or low-cost support options might be available even without your parents' knowledge. Many areas have crisis hotlines that offer anonymous support and information about local resources. Some communities have sliding-scale counseling services or support groups, and college campuses sometimes offer training clinics where graduate students provide supervised therapy at reduced rates. Community mental health centers often provide services on a sliding fee scale based on income. If you're experiencing symptoms that feel concerning or unsafe, emergency mental health services are available through crisis lines or emergency rooms, and these services are typically confidential regardless of your living situation.

Remember, healing is a personal journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time. Be patient and kind to yourself. Your experiences and feelings are important, and you deserve support and understanding. Please know that you're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help. Take care of yourself.